ondoy

it's been a couple of days since the fury of ondoy has struck metro manila. for some, little had happened to them yet for many, it has brought destruction, fear, and even paranoia to such unreasonable depths.

"just don't tell if i'm dying coz i don't want to know... (playing in the background)"

as for me, saturday was supposedly a simple day that would start with a class in the morning, dentist appointment in the afternoon, and partying in the evening. the venue for the party was at school so along with my laptop, i have brought all the stuff needed for the party which were stored at my house. it was dark and raining when i left the house. little did i know that it would lead to anything so herculean in dimension, incomprehensible to my mind. how could just a simple, non-stop rain cause so much destruction. i would then later see the answer to that in the afternoon. enconsed in the four walls of the classroom, we didn't realize how much the rain had been pouring and how the sky turned darker nor how much the wind howled. little did we know.

after class at noon, we decided to stay for a while at school, hoping the rain would stop eventually. it did not and we had to cancel the party. reports were all coming in now; the rain might go on throughout the day and there were floods surroundign us. later, i got a message from my dentist cancelling my appointment. another call came through, this one coming from one of our older labmates, one who is like a brother to us. he said we need to stay put because it's not safe going outside with the heavy, heavy and not strong, rain. we have provisions at the lab in case we needed to stay overnight and sleeping bags, and 'oh! army food,' he said. i called my sister and she provided me with an update of what's happening in the outside world. people were now on their roofs, asking to be rescued. at first, it was astonishing even that a famous actress has gone up to her roof. it was a shock that fame cannot help you when fighting the elements. we realize that we are equal against a common enemy, which is nature. anyways, with all these things coming to us, E and i decided to look in on the net for updates. by late afternoon, we already have an idea of what was happening. we saw people walking in chest-deep waters, cars being carried by high velocity waters, people on the roofs, people crying over the telephones during interviews on tv. it was such a mess, and it was heartbreaking.

at first, i just wanted to go home to enjoy the cool winds brought by the rain, with a book in my hand and hot choco beside my bed. late in the afternoon, with the rain raging on and giving lots of things to worry about, i just really wanted to be home -- safe.

it was also kind of sad at first because i have been down lately. i felt that he didn't care for my welfare. he must have heard the news of what's happening but i have never received any messages from him. i felt down and it made me want to cry. never mind that i didn't have phone coverage for hours already. it was just heartbreaking. then i decided to call my sister to see how she was and to inform her i was okay. the sound of her voice on the phone, her gladness to know that i was okay, to know that she worried made my heart lighter. my spirit lifted, even just for a bit. i left her my number just in case anything comes up. yet, not even an hour has passed when E answered the phone and told me i have a male caller. who could it be? i was not expecting anyone to call me. i was deeply puzzled until i answered the call: hello? who's this? 'hey, it's your papa, dalaga! we were worried about you. we couldn't contact you for a long time. it's scary on tv. are you okay?' yes, i'm okay, i said and i was happy. i assured him that everything is fine and we said our goodbyes. then just a few minutes later, another call came through. it was for me again and it was my brother. he said he was worried because of what he saw on tv and he couldn't contact me for some time. like with my dad, i assured him i was safe at school and would be staying put. after all those calls, i felt loved. loved so much by my family. i guess, maybe, never mind about him. i have a family who loves me and that is more important. but how much nicer could it be for him to call me, to worry about me. sigh, never mind. until now, he hasn't called. that's the sad truth of that.

I FEEL LOVED. PERIOD. AND GRATEFUL.

E and I, and her husband, ended up staying the night at the lab. with nothing to do, i was able to sleep early. however we stationed our sleeping arrangement at the lab, and whatever the circumstance was, i surprisingly had a pleasant sleep. i'm grateful for that. waking up early in the morning, i decided to go straight to church. it was a pleasant way to start another day. one so much different from the day before. it was raining, yes, but it was not like it was the day before. i went home and i saw how abs-cbn had immediately set-up a fund raising campaign for all those affected by the flood. i am not much of a fan of kris but how she handled that campaign was amazing. kudos to her! she made competition look so good and all for the sake of charity. i am so much impressed. you could either hate her or love her. she's such a mean bully and i'm saying this in an impressed way. no insult meant, just admiration.

"i wanna feel... i want the sunburn just to know i'm alive..."