one of the guys

as i was browsing through my pictures, i realized that this year, i've been to several places with guys mostly for company - field work (the wife of my colleague who accompanied us, i will not count), carpool, classmate get-together, seminar, meeting in another country, boat stint.

for others, this might not be unusual, but for me, who is supposedly used to guys because of my profession, it seems a little bit overwhelming. i mean, i'm a straight girl, but in the company of men, i learned to look at girls, too! and at times, learned how to ignore male chauvinistic comments or even agree with them! *sigh* in fact, it seems that i've been dubbed as one of the guys. it's ok. i don't mind really, but sometimes, i just want to scream!

at times like that, i miss the company of girls (do you know that men gossip more than girls? truly, it transcends nationalities!) - the talks, the window-shoppings, the forever despair of finding a good guy talk, etc... lol at times like that, i long for... oh well, friends...

*****

but the time i spent with these guys haven't taught me anything about how to get a guy. as a friend once said: "you've known us for years, been in our company for long, but you haven't learned how to catch a guy! what's wrong with you! i thought i taught you some tricks already?!" oh well, i guess i'm just not interested about the guys i've met. there are some that i'm willing to get to know more but are married (and that's a big no for me), or some that i met are ok but lives on the other side of the world (in particular, on the other hemisphere!)... oh well, life can be complicated (or is it that i just complicate it?).

another friend also said: you don't have a guy of your own yet because you don't actively look. i guess she's right but i don't care to be actively seeking. i'm lazy that way (or scared?). anyway, i agree with what she said but i like my life the way it is now. it can be damn pretty lonely sometimes (ok, it feels like most of the time lately) but i get by. i enjoy it - spend for myself, go wherever i want to go, travel with friends, stay in or out of the house whenever i want to, i have time for my friends and the occassional spur of the moment things. but yes, it can really be lonely at times... or maybe i just haven't found a guy because i'm still crazy over someone, someone i can't have and yet wish otherwise. i'm crazy. *sigh*