prayers and kindness

i have been praying for my boss to be kind to me for weeks now. so far, and let this be a testimony to God's goodness, my boss has shown me kindness during those times he seems to acknowledge my presence.

you see, i've always been afraid of him. he is quick to anger and he's got a loud voice. when he is angry, it seems that half the people can hear him. this year alone, i have been shouted at and got a dressing down for things i've done wrong. i have my excuses but i won't justify my weakness in terms of work. it is, and will still be (given the current office situation), as it is without the training, and proper guidance one needs to build his or her competency (now i've said my excuse!). everytime i get a dressing down, i feel i'm not worth anything and all the hard work that i've put on in the project is a waste. it depresses me and i hate the feeling because it makes me want to leave the work i want.

lately though, i've been trying to change my attitude. turn it into positive thoughts. every night and every morning, before i go to work, i pray that my boss will be kind to me. it's even ok to be reprimanded, but please, don't shout at me. that's one thing that doesn't work in a good way for me. once i asked God to have my boss to, well, just have a look at me and my work. He listened but it was in a different way. yes, he minded me, but in a way that i got the worst dressing down for the whole year (i hope it will be the last). today, i ask that he be kind to me and nothing else.

but that's not really the point of this whole thing, although i've written a lot about it. my main point is, God listens! He knows what we need and if He sees that you really need it, without fail, He gives it to you. so do not be afraid to ask. in the Bible, it is told to us in plain words:

Matthew 7:7-8
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives and teh one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 21:22
Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive.

1 John 5:14-15
And we have this confidence in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked Him for is ours.

AMEN. God is good! :D

quotes of the week

ceebee says: "pangarap ka na lang ba, o magiging katotohanan ka..." (ala i love betty...)

and

btchy says: "sana ang puso ay parang windows xp. pwede i-ctrl+alt+del end task pag naghahang!" (ala pagod na sa pag-ibig)

timeless comfort

came across this song again while i was browsing online... this is one of my favorite songs. reminds me of the summer during our junior year in college, when we had to stay at the laboratory for weeks finishing our fieldwork analysis and reports. in the mornings and late nights while everybody's awake and busy doing their assigned chores, this song was always played. i remembered hearing this song while asleep and in the early minutes of waking up... those where the days and the song of cynthia alexander now seems so timeless to me...


Comfort in Your Strangeness
by Cynthia Alexander


Woke up this morning
I was staring at the ceiling
Cracks and roadmaps and highways and landscapes
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness

Of moving shadowss
When I call the wind by name
Rushing Firewater in the dark of a cloud
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to findComfort in Your Strangeness

We are slaves to the crimes we commit
In fits of passion we shame
We are nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing but

The dust on Your feet
Dying to be born again
Singing Ether Water Fire singing Earth Singing Air
I have seenI have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness

I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness

a child's sweetness

it's been two days and i can't seem to remove the image of a child asking me to carry him --

mr. pumpkin was such a little beauty in his pumpkin costume last tuesday. he was sociable, he was lovable. when asked what his name was, he answered in his cute little voice --

"mr. pumpkin."

and after he finished getting his treats, he said in his cute little voice again -- "bye, bye, people."

cute little kid... makes you want to have a child like that, someone who is not afraid to meet new people, someone who is easily liked.

as i went down the stairs of the office after office hours, mr. pumpkin was there. i greeted him, and he said "Kiss."

"what, you want to kiss me?" Yes, was his reply and proceeded to kiss me and hugged me at the same time, conveying his desire for me to carry him. It was a sweet joy carrying that kid and enjoying his full trust in me, that he'd let me, a virtual stranger, carry him. luckily, his mom and dad know me so there was no problem with that.

"i'm going home now, mr. pumpkin. would you like to go home with me?" Again, his reply was "Yes." It was such a lovely thing for him to say that. He was so sweet. And he kissed me again.

Inside the van, as we were readying to go home, Mr. Pumpkin came to wish us a safe trip home, carried by his papa. "Bye, bye, people. See you again next time. Close the window (of the van."

*Sigh* Such sweet little boy. One day, I'll have one myself, one as cute as him and as intelligent as him... :D --- I hope!

love - intense and passionate

Jesus only gave two commandments. One is to love God and from it comes the second, love your neighbors.

How does one love? More to the point, how does one love like Christ, passionately and intensely? For love burns, like His sacred heart. In church today, Fr. J would have wanted us to change our view of what is heaven, what is hell. For him, with God's love, with Christ's passion, heaven is fire, and hell is cold. Fire spreads while cold stifles us.

People love differently. Some of us love reluctantly. Some of us love passionately. And some of us love in the middle. Reluctant love -- love that is halfway... Passionate love -- love that transcends all... Middle love -- a calculated love, where every step of the way is thought of, every step making it closer to our goal and still keeping a part of us to ourselves just in case it will never work -- a kind of self-preservation thing...

There were only two questions for reflection. Think of a person that you love reluctantly or halfway. And think of that person whom you love with intensity and with passion, giving your all, without fear of rejection. For it is only in giving one's self up to love that one can achieve something great.

for the sake of argument

phrase of the day

devil's advocate: someone who takes the worse side just for the sake of argument

*****

being the devil's advocate, a friend asked me what i'll do if ever drifter and i won't end up together. that's a scary thought and a hurting one, and for the life of me, i do not know what to say. i guess i'm really holding on to this. after all, too much time, effort and emotions were already exerted on this.

i just wish i don't end up broken-hearted.

change your mantra

from the author of the book Eat, Pray, Love, elizabeth gilbert at Oprah's show, gave three things that can help us achiever inner peace... or something akin to contentment... or knowledge... or acceptance. whatever it was, it would supposedly give you a "happier" life.

the first thing to do:

every morning, ask yourself what you really, really, really want. really must be repeated three times so that it would reflect the importance of that want or need. if it doesn't come to you today, then try the next... and the next... you'll know when you get there.

the second thing to do:

every evening, write down what made you happy today. one sentence is enough.

the last thing to do:

change your mantra. mantra may be defined as a sacred thought or a prayer. people keep on saying that they are stupid, they are lazy, they are jerks. if that is what they aspire to become, then that is their mantra. if you want to be something else, change your mantra... hmmm... so what is mine?

i could start a whole new blog containing only these, written once a day. but for now, i would like to write down my answers to the three questions:

1 what i want: to be clear on what i have to do with my life
2 what made me happy today: dinner with my sister
3 i am courageous and will take risks

:D