happy thoughts

i am getting there. i may not totally forget but at least i am successful in curbing the compulsion more times than not. i have not sent him a message in months now. what a happy thought. i'm getting there! it is difficult, yes, but now i understand what it meant by drowning your sorrow in work. i just wish i won't end up knowing what it means to drown your sorrow in alcohol, though! hehehe!

:) like peter pan, think happy thoughts!!!!

ship, ahoy!

after almost a week and a half of waiting, Thursday saw a happy end when we got an email telling us that we finally got the sailing permit for the Sword. it's been two years since i've been onboard. when i saw the crew manifest, i suddenly missed the guys who have been there for me during those long, ten dizzy days i was there before: ravi, shane, chan, peter, nigel, arnel and roland. i would have wanted to go on this trip too, knowing that it would be them onboard but i just could not do it. with the delays we have been experiencing, i was afraid that if i'd go onboard, i'd miss my flight to bangkok in two weeks. yet i am not so worried that there are going to be any problems since i know the guys and i know that they'd do good for us. add to that is our new QC person whom we know will do her best to give us the best data. the good weather right now does not hurt, either. i'm hoping for good going all the way to the end of this project.

i may not be too happy that i'm not onboard with the crew and learning new things, but i'm learning new things, too, while monitoring the work from here.

*notice that the Sword has a new paint job. when i was onboard two years ago, she was still orange.

indecision

my boss' lecture for today: you have to be decisive!

well, i guess i'm not or i wouldn't be in this position of having mixed feelings. when i first learned that they may send me away for work onboard the same vessel i was in two years ago, my first reaction was -- no! that is because, i didn't want to deal with foreigners again (not that i have any bad experience with them. actually they were all good). or i was just afraid to face new challenges -- be in control of the whole operation, report-writing, and any other duties. i just didn't feel like it especially since i know that when i get back, my desk will be full of things to see to, aside from the project's terminal report. i was also hesitant because the schedule of the project is very flexible. i was afraid that if we'll start too late, i might miss my weekend vacation to BKK. so yes, i did tell my supervisor that if there would be a choice, i would rather stay and monitor the project's progress from the main office.

then came new things. in our meeting last friday, i saw two of the former crewmate i was with two years ago and it made me long to see and work again with all of them. i then wanted to go because the company representative is a friend as well as the government's represantive. i knew i would learn a lot from this experience but really, i just don't want to have a stack of work to take care when i get back, i still don't want the big responsibility of working onboard, and definitely not the least, i don't want to miss my weekend vacation.

yes, i have mixed emotions now. i am indecisive. now i want to go, yet not. :(

things that keep me busy today

1. WORK. we are preparing to do the first of two major activities this year. hopefully, we'll be able to proceed by next week. i'm wishing for the data to come out good.



2. SCHOOL. i took this class only to fill up my saturday mornings but it's great. it is a lot of help to my work and it's the only class that i've never slept in yet in a long while. my friend said i don't feel sleepy at all because the class is interesting.



3. UGLY BETTY and last but definitely not the least, AVATAR. i saw a few episodes of this in channel 23 but never really got the chance to follow the story since my sister hoards/loves the tv. one day, i decided to talk my sister into buying me the dvds for Ugly Betty and it has never disappointed me yet! i actually like the story, especially since the assistant and boss do not end up falling in love with each other. :)

as for avatar, my bestfriend once mentioned the last airbender when we were about to watch harry potter. i don't have any idea what the airbender was all about. i actually even forgot about it until my sister and i saw its trailer and i was hooked! i pestered my sister into buying the dvds and when i finally got a hold of the cd, i immediately put it on the dvd. i love it!





i'm crazy about avatar right now that when my dvd got damaged while i was watching it in the wee hours of the morning yesterday, i had to run to my bestfriend's house just to get her copies! i was in and out of her house in less than five minutes just so i could watch it right away! i'm on book three now, displacing for a while Ugly Betty in my priorities. the story is good and i really love aang. he's a boy wonder! :)



4. A Thousand Splendid Suns. my bestfriend lent it to me and when i was able to start it while on the train a couple of days ago, i was hooked. the story is great!

farewell

so. the former president cory aquino died last saturday morning. she is loved and her passing will be a time of great mourning for those people who knows her and who benefitted from her work. i guess that would be us - those who are enjoying our freedom, those that who had not suffered under a dictator, those who grew up knowing what it is to have freedom. she was an example of pure heroism, dedication, nationalism and faith. i just wish i could live, even just a tiny bit, the faith she has in the Lord. if there is something she will leave behind for me, it will the testimony that faith in the Lord could do great deeds, could do great wonders that would transcend all boundaries. if she will leave behind something for me, it would be the belief that there is hope for the filipinos and that really, it is great to be a filipino.

we mourn her loss but i hope her ideals live on.

two masters

you definitely cannot serve two masters. it has happened that one can have an understanding boss, and the other an unreasonable boss. it is crazy to have one boss approve what you have work on only to have the other boss belay everything that you have done. this is just one of those days when you just have to accept that, truly, you cannot serve two masters but you are stuck with them. in the end, you are caught in the middle of two superiors who approach work and problems differently, and you get all the blame. what you can do is do what you are told and just wish that the new day will begin soon and everything will just come to pass...