crying over you won't fix whatever it is that's going wrong between us. i just need to write this down for now so i can get it off my chest and hopefully help myself  move on. yoiu know i hate fighting in whatever form it is and i can't help but think dark thoughts. that is not what or how i want myself to be. i want to be happy but being away from you like this now isn't making me happy.

why do you ignore me? how do you go on ignoring me? you once said why do i think this way, we were supposed to be happy. but how are we supposed to be happy when you ignore me and when you do deign to talk to me, that is only to say that you are sorry because you have been a rebel and had been seeing someone else and that for a while, you have forgotten about me. was that what you mean by happy? maybe we do have a different idea of what being happy means. how can you ask me on why i do think that way, that you are ignoring me. aren't you, aren't you?

over the years, i have been telling myself to stop hanging on to you but i'm weak. i haven't done it and i'm crawling my way through it. you make me sad. you make me cry. you make me long for something better but all i see about better times is still with you. i can't help it and i hate it. you make me hope but i know it's hopeless. you don't want to be happy with me, you don't make that effort with me. i'm sorry. i'm sorry, too.