how to spot a geologist

from Uncyclopedia

To spot a geologist in the wild, look for:
Hand-lens, compass, pen-knife, handcuffs etc. tied round neck with string.
Someone with a beard and Sandals... Jesus was a Geologist
Ownership of a pet rock (in the case of paleontologists, this will be their closest friend) often found hanging from keys.
Overenthusiasm on the subject of dinosaurs.
Someone explaining to airport security that a sidewall core covered in gunpowder residue isn't really a weapon.
Takes photos, includes people only for scale, and has more pictures of rock hammer and lens cap than of his family.
Someone with collection of beer cans/bottles rivals the size of his rock collection.
Someone who brings beer instead of water when hiking.
Someone with unnatural amounts of facial hair (or in the case of women - leg and armpit hair) and wears lots of polar fleece.
Someone whose lunch consists of rocks, instead of ordinary bread.
Someone who consumes tonsil-killing chili for dinner every night of the week, and warms it up in a can on the drill rig engine block.
Someone whose child is trained to know the geological timescale before it can walk.
Often has hair in a pony-tail (this applies to male or female geologists).
Someone who considers a "recent event" to be anything that has happened in the last hundred thousand years.
Someone who licks and/or scratches & sniffs rocks or in case of china clay will eat it to prove its perfectly safe.
Someone who eats dirt and claims to be "getting an estimate of grain size"
Someone who will willingly cross an eight-lane interstate on foot to determine if the outcrops are the same on both sides.
Someone who can pronounce the word molybdenite correctly on the first try.
Someone who has hiked 6 miles to look at a broken fence that was "offset by a recent earthquake".
Someone who says "this will make a nice christmas gift" while out rock collecting.
Someone who thinks a "sexual exploit" is laying naked on an outcrop so the satellite will photograph them on the next pass.
Someone who hires student assistants with an eye to whether they can run slower so the bears get them first.
Someone who can jump start a campfire in wet weather with the judicious application of a beer fart.
Someone who from personal experience knows the difference between Arctic grade and summer grade diesel fuel.
Someone who even on an average day in the field can make Indiana Jones look like a bit of a clutzy wuss
They look at scenery and tell you how it formed
Pockets tend to be filled with bits of rock.
The rockery moved into their spare room.
They have more pairs of walking boots than shoes.
Wears walking boots constantly,even for formal functions, occasionally sandals with (obligatory) socks
They think of woodlice as trilobites but would tell anyone off who said so.
When on a beach will collect shells and try to explain their muscle scars to you.
Someone who prefers to explain the sequence of events shown in a cliff face to sunbathing
Their collection of petrified wood samples are stacked like cord wood.
They plan extra time on trips to investigate road cuts along the way.
Often explains how their boozy coffee with whipped cream resembles a layered igneous complex
Their radioactive ore specimen collection glows in the dark. It is so bright you can:
use it to read by.
---illuminate your front yard.
---use it as a landing beacon.
---See it from Mars.