i had a dog once

i remember that day like it was dream - hazy but clear. i rode behind my friend's bike, carrying a very small bundle in my small arms - my very own dog from their dog's new litter. i was about five or six that time and feeling so happy to have finally, my very own dog. she was a mutt with white fur and brown patch around her right eye. looking back, it felt like she was very quiet while my friend brought me to the house, as if the house was really far away! when in fact (now that i think of it!), it was just a couple of steps away, probably about a hundred steps for a child's feet. i felt very special that day. i had my own dog and i had someone to bring me home as if i was a princess :)

it was a quiet ride and we thought the dog was the same but we were very much mistaken. the first few days, we always hear her scratching on the door every morning (one condition of having the dog was that it will never go inside the house). so eventually, we named her Knock-Knock because she's always at the door knocking. Knock-knock grew to be a wonderful dog. She was very disciplined (thanks to my mom). as an example, we didn't have a problem with her daily bowels. every morning, right after we leave the house for school, she always went with us outside. there, she would do her thing and just come back once she's done. my dad always left the gate door open for her. when she had her own litter, she had very cute little pups but she outlasted them all (isn't that sad?). Knock-knock was my most precious pet while growing up.

she lived for around seven years. fourteen long dog years. i'm thinking she had a happy life with us. when she died, i felt so sad. i was in fourth grade when the vet said that knock-knock, in her old age, acquired a spinal cancer. for days, she lay down helpless, unmoving, with eyes that seemed so weak and so sad. her eyes were covered with a yellow thing (mucus, perhaps?) and the ants were running over her and she couldn't even flinch. we cannot do anything for her anymore. on her last day, my brother and i decided to end his suffering. i cannot do it nor could i watch her die so when i left for school, my brother promised me that her pain will end when i get home.

we gave my dog a proper burial, attended by our friends and their own dogs. my brother and his friends dug a grave at our backyard and we brought flowers. it was a very childish ritual, more than a dog deserve perhaps, but she was our dog and no one will ever forget her.

today, when i see a dog in our subdivision with a brown patch on its eye, i think of knock-knock and wonder if it is her own puppy that i see...

accident prone

i am just informing you, my non-existent readers, of how much a klutz i am.

again, i fell down the stairs at the apartment today. i had more lumps and bruises now than i did last week. plus, a 3-in gash at my back for hitting the grills at the left side of the stairs. i'm such a klutz. or am i being cursed somewhat? i just hope there's no invisible hands pushing me down on stairs, that's kinda scary, don't you think?

========(actual writing day)========

so yesterday morning, i fell down the apartment stairs. there are ten steps (according to my sister) and i probably fell from the second or third step all the way down. as a result of my adventure (second time in just one week!), i had a very nasty gash on my left back side, a big lump on my ramp and a few bruises and scratches here and there. the gash is about 3-inches long and may probably leave a scar. you are asking where in the hell did i get the wound? probably from the grills that runs through the sides of the stairs.

i am officially the queen of klutz. but i am not happy about it. i'm just thankful that with all those misadventures of mine, i have never fallen flat on my face nor have i hit my head or spine. thank God for small (or should i say Big) blessings! amen!

surrounded by love

i love my family for i am surrounded by their love. every little story has a touch of love --

according to my mama's story, lola told her that she dreamt of my lolo the other night. she was sad because she said, there he was. standing there, but he never did look at her. he has not even called to her (to which my mom thought that if he really did call, she might be tepok by now :D). then she went on to say that my tita is calling her back to california but she never wanted to come back because "cinto is here. how can i go back there when cinto is here. i don't want to leave him anymore." i'm guessing that lola misses lolo so much. after all these years that he had gone (i was close to seven when he died), there is still love for him within her. maybe love truly does not fade.

as i am writing this, i remembered one story she told my mom a long time ago. while she was still living in america, she had a suitor who wanted to marry her. all she said to him was "we are already old." i'm guessing lola doesn't want to replace lolo anymore because as she said - they are already old. a few years after that, she went back home here.

today, lola is ninety-six years old. when told that she'd still reach one hundred, she'll just say thank you, but "i am not hoping for that anymore. i am ready." i guess, she is, and i guess she is waiting for that time when she will be with her cinto...

-----

so you see, i am surrounded by love. when i grow old, i want what my parents have. i want what i see from my lola's love for my lolo, cinto. a long and lasting love.

drama

how can someone so far away hurt you so much?

when you let that someone hurt you.

music to my ears

mama: alam mo naman, pa, pano ang bunganga ko. malakas lang ako magsalita, at dire-diretso na parang armalite. tagal na tayong mag-asawa, di ka pa nasanay? (you know how my mouth works. i'm really loud and when i talk, it's like an armalite. after how many years of being married to me, shouldn't you have been used to it already?)

papa: alam ko naman yun, mama. kaya nga parang music na sya pag naririnig ko, eh. (i know that, mama. that is why it's already like music to my ears when i hear you like that.)


--yeah, my parents.

the accident

so some of you might be wondering what accident i happened into the other day. so, let me tell my story.

the other day, i woke up early to be able to go to work with plenty of time to spare. i thought that since it was raining last night, the road could get a little bit slippery and muddy. so i left the house early, wearing only slippers (as opposed to wearing high heeled shoes) so i wouldn't hurt myself when walking through a rain-slicked road. so there i was, walking up the overpass, across it and had taken a few steps down the other side. i looked at my every steps to prevent myself from slipping. i looked down the other side of the stairs to see if there's any available jeepney and then ---- i lost my footing and slipped! just that! one look at the jeep and wham! down the steps. around five steps. i can't stop it no matter how much i wanted it to. i tried using my feet to stop my fall but i only ended having a hurt foot (and fear that my sprained ankle will act up again) and behind.

when the falling stopped, i saw people looking at me but i haven't had the time to get embarrassed (at first). i stood up, looked at my muddy self and decided right there and then that i won't be going to work especially with that hurt foot. a lady behind stopped me and asked how i was but all i could say is "i'm alright. thanks for asking." and then i went back-up, across the overpass and down the stairs on the other side. and to home where i sat on the floor and felt sorry for myself. well, when i had time to catch my breath, i couldn't help but laugh with my sister who was unbelieving of my bad luck. but with every laugh, i felt teary-eyed too, because i felt sorry for myself.

anyway, all in all, it was a good day because i saw how my family and friends where concerned for me. it was probably just a blessing in disguise.

life is so sweet

life is so sweet.

the other day, i had an accident. as i was feeling sorry for myself, i texted my friends at the office to let them know why i won't be coming to work that day. so they started texting me to know if i was okay, if i didn't hit myself too hard or that i should just take a break and give my feet a rest, knowing that i already had a sprain problem on my ankles. i thank God, i have good friends.

while recuperating during the day, my phone ringed and to my surprise, an officemate and friend was calling me. when i answered, he said he just talked to one of our officemate and had just found out what happened to me. he then offered to pick me up at home the next day if i'm up to going to work. all i just had to txt him. friends are so sweet.

later in the afternoon, my supervisor also called to check on me. i felt grateful and blessed to have people around me such as them. strat was so right when she said that i am so blessed, because i am!

the next day, at work, when strat arrived, she gave me a chocolate brownie that she must have saved for me. life is so sweet. my friends are so sweet. life is so sweet. how could i ask for more? i am so blessed and i thank God. despite the mishap that happened to me the other day, it made me realize the sweetness of friends, of family and of life. some of them might have gotten a few laughs because of my mishap but it was all good-natured and not intended to hurt. who could blame them? the accident was really --- stupid? funny? but at least, i wasn't hurt that badly. i thank God for watching out for me.

life is so sweet.

day to remember with friends

so another wedding again! this sunday, one of my high school friends got married to a beautiful and lovely girl...

seeing his mom cry made me want to cry, too. this is our friend, getting married! finally, tying the knot! i'm wishing them all the best. when he got emotional saying his vow, that made us teary-eyed, too... oh well... i love weddings!

but in all these happiness, we also join our friend in his grief on the death of his mom. i can only recall one long conversation with his mom but that one was really memorable. she was such a lovely lady and we mourn her passing...

"sawi" in lyrics

lines of the sawi from my favorite theater musicals:


"he was never mine to lose,
why regret what could not be,
these are words he'll never say,
not to me, not to me"
-Cosette, Les Miserables

"It's her or me
and it's me he must choose!
I don't hate this girl - even so
It's her or me
It's a fight I can't loose!
I can't live wondering where his heart is
now I have to know"
-Ellen, Miss Saigon

"Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl"
-Elphaba, Wicked

"There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye"
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away... Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time"
-Kate Monster, Avenue Q

"I could never rescue you
All you ever wanted
But I could never rescue you
No matter how I tried
All I could do was love you hard
And let you go

No matter how I tried
All I could do was love you
God, I loved you so
So we could fight
Or we could wait
Or I could go..."
-Jamie, Last Five Years

"And goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until the next time you call
And I'll be waiting
Goodbye until tomorrow

Goodbye till I recall how to breathe
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you'
-Catherine, Last Five Years

pangasinan trip

to avoid some people yesterday (and today), i thought of staying overnight at C's place. however, C had decided to go visit the Lady of Manaoag at Pangasinan and so, invited me to join her and her cousin to this pilgrimage. i was supposed to do something else last night but P encouraged me to go even if i fel a little bit tired and lazy. i was also supposed to join some friends at a festival but then decided to go with C instead since i haven't seen the Lady yet. so i stayed overnight at her place and left at around 3a to catch the earliest bus. at the bus station, we got the 5a trip but eventually made the 4a trip because the ones who made reservations were late. we thought we're going to arrive there after six hours of road trip but we made it in 4, give or take 30 minutes! isn't that great?


the place was really crowded and the mass was already ongoing when we arrived. we looked in on the traveling Lady image and went inside the church for a view of the real one:

so anyway, we attended part of the mass, prayed, had our blessing and lighted our candles. later, ate M had to visit her suki for her religious items. we also had to buy our kakanin na rin from the array of food showcased outside the church. then we headed home... that's an approximately 12-hr trip!

how to get there: we took the baguio bus at victory station at edsa (php 275) and the barker dropped us off near a gasoline station at binalonan, pangasinan. we walked a few meters to get to the jeepney going to manaoag (php 17). we were let off at the back of the church.