i had a dog once

i remember that day like it was dream - hazy but clear. i rode behind my friend's bike, carrying a very small bundle in my small arms - my very own dog from their dog's new litter. i was about five or six that time and feeling so happy to have finally, my very own dog. she was a mutt with white fur and brown patch around her right eye. looking back, it felt like she was very quiet while my friend brought me to the house, as if the house was really far away! when in fact (now that i think of it!), it was just a couple of steps away, probably about a hundred steps for a child's feet. i felt very special that day. i had my own dog and i had someone to bring me home as if i was a princess :)

it was a quiet ride and we thought the dog was the same but we were very much mistaken. the first few days, we always hear her scratching on the door every morning (one condition of having the dog was that it will never go inside the house). so eventually, we named her Knock-Knock because she's always at the door knocking. Knock-knock grew to be a wonderful dog. She was very disciplined (thanks to my mom). as an example, we didn't have a problem with her daily bowels. every morning, right after we leave the house for school, she always went with us outside. there, she would do her thing and just come back once she's done. my dad always left the gate door open for her. when she had her own litter, she had very cute little pups but she outlasted them all (isn't that sad?). Knock-knock was my most precious pet while growing up.

she lived for around seven years. fourteen long dog years. i'm thinking she had a happy life with us. when she died, i felt so sad. i was in fourth grade when the vet said that knock-knock, in her old age, acquired a spinal cancer. for days, she lay down helpless, unmoving, with eyes that seemed so weak and so sad. her eyes were covered with a yellow thing (mucus, perhaps?) and the ants were running over her and she couldn't even flinch. we cannot do anything for her anymore. on her last day, my brother and i decided to end his suffering. i cannot do it nor could i watch her die so when i left for school, my brother promised me that her pain will end when i get home.

we gave my dog a proper burial, attended by our friends and their own dogs. my brother and his friends dug a grave at our backyard and we brought flowers. it was a very childish ritual, more than a dog deserve perhaps, but she was our dog and no one will ever forget her.

today, when i see a dog in our subdivision with a brown patch on its eye, i think of knock-knock and wonder if it is her own puppy that i see...