university culture shock

probably the first culture shock i got in the university happened in the health service building. no, i'm not talking about the totally nude physical exam! it was really more than a realization that we are growing old and that the people in the university are open to whatever happens or whatever craziness a student could get into on their first year in the university.

so imagine, kalayaan roomies, going for the first time to the university health service because my roommate was complaining of dizziness everytime she wakes up in the morning, or late in the afternoon. the nurse at the triage took her details: name, age, weight, bp, complaints. after all these, she checked with her list and referred us to one female doctor. when we arrived at the doctor's clinic, we were both confused and scared to see that the sign said "gynecologist." so there we were, both sixteen years old and newly out of our parents' "control, about to enter a room of a gynecologist. we both didn't know what to expect, innocent as we were back then. then the doctor called my roommates name and i had to go inside with her because she was afraid. inside, the doctor again repeated the questions the nurse asked until the questions went further into: when was your last menstruation? do you feel like eating other things from the usual (since my friend was in the heavy weight side)? do you feel sleepy all the time? do you have a boyfriend? to which all the answers were in the negative. then the final question and the most shocking one: little girl, are you pregnant?

we just stood there looking at each other with our mouths wide open in shock...

for a long moment...

until we started laughing!

that was one bizzare moment that i won't forget in my first year in the university. only a few months within it, it became the university of life for us. gone for a while was the learning from teachers and books. this was reality teaching us something more hands-on. it was great.

so what happened to my roommate? no, she wasn't pregnant. she was diagnosed with vertigo, with which she overcame after a long time of trying.

tired but still going somewhere

so i'm supposed to be packing my stuff right now, right? but look at what i'm doing -- writing in on my blog. tomorrow is another big day for me as me and my four other officemates will be going to observe and "monitor" drilling operations in one of our areas of interest. a couple of weeks ago, i was telling my friends that i miss being away and doing some kind of fieldwork; but now that opportunity has come, i'm not ecstatic about (neither does my other officemate whose husband just got back for his monthly home trip). we will be gone for almost two weeks, probably staying until the operations has wind down to the last depth and everything is wrapped up.

i supposed it would be kind of exciting but with the stress i've experienced for the last three weeks for the project i'm handling, i was just looking forward to a very relaxed weekend - sleeping, watching movies, catching up on tv series i missed, eating good food and surfing the net (hmmm how about updating my resume, too?) :D

i am so drained and with this new development, i just wish i don't get stressed up more with the environment where probably most of the crew is non-filipinos. it is stressful having to speak english, don't you think? i'm just glad that some members of the crew are known to us since we went to the same school and worked together at one time. i am just hoping that i will learn a lot in this kind of work immersion.

early this afternoon, the vp came to us and encouraged us in learning more with this opportunity. he said that it is alright to ask stupid questions, because we are still young and new to this kind of work, it is all right (or even expected) to ask stupid questions. he said, "ask now while you are still young and stupid questions are still forgivable. when you grow old, those stupid questions are not permitted anymore." i'm glad my boss told us that because truly, that is what i'm always afraid of: asking questions. a few years ago, a friend of mine who studied in the uk, noticed that we pinoys are afraid of asking questions because we might look stupid. maybe one day, she said, we will break through that mentality and fight our way over our shyness. i just hope this coming week, i'll be brave enough to ask questions, even if they are stupid. anyway, one of my mottos in life is: There's no such thing as stupid questions! (i probably should add: when you are still young). but hagar the horrible said something almost like this:

okay, so i'm hoping i'd enjoy this opportunity. learn more and be able to share what i've learned and seen when i get back to the office. i know people will miss me (yeah!) but i'll miss you more! i just hope there's internet there that we could use... :D

now, i'll just go change and start packing!

independence day

i'm kind of tired but i really want to write today because you know, it's independence day.

so yes, today is our Independence Day! but i've never felt so detached from what's going on around me than now. i have seen lots of flags bantered around but i have also seen our ignorance on how to properly raise them. it seems that for most of us, it is enough to hang your flag outside the house. but did you ever think of how to hang it properly. for sure, i was never taught that in school! actually, there are provisions in the law that states how and when you can raise your flag! so look around you. i've seen flags hanging and attached to bamboo or 2x2 poles near trees. i've seen flags rolled up on its poles because of the wind. i've seen the tarpaulin mahalin ang bayan ripped off (think quezon avenue). i remembered reading somewhere that flags are not meant to be raised on/near trees where the branches can affect its "flying" (can't find the better term for this). you cannot even hang our flag outside a residence that includes a foreigner! imagine that. but everywhere really, there are small (but grave) disrespect for our flag. i hope we can be educated --- soon!

today, in the mrt, free rides where given during peak hours. i was able to enjoy that gift this afternoon going home. however, my joy turned a little bit sour when in the middle of chaos happening inside the train cars during peak hours, i realized that there is a healthy looking, young man in the girls' car! what, is he with a pregnant woman, i ask? no! is he disabled? no! then what is a guy like that actually doing there? wny was he allowed by the guard to ride there? then, i found out. he was with the DOTC! how i knew that? he was wearing his ID proudly! DUH!!! a person like that isn't supposed to be there but he uses his minute power to ride the mrt free, and more hassle-free (compared to the guys' cars, perhaps). a person like that shouldn't be respected! a person like that should learn how to use his "authority" properly. he is i'd say, a disgrace to his department. and you know what? i could have understood it a little if he was wearing his uniform, but no! he was wearing civilian clothes - a t-shirt, shorts, slippers! isn't that a little bit disappointing for a person working for the government?!

so what did i do for my country today? nothing really that great. i paid for my purchases with a receipt (that means, the tax will be given to the government). i listened to my co-workers in a meeting and that perhaps, is helping my country, too because in helping each other achieve our goals, we are helping our country. i'm not sure if that makes sense to you but it certainly does for me.

and when i finish this entry, i'm going back to my presentation so i could give a better presentation at the office tomorrow. Lord, guide me on this endeavour. Amen.

wanderings of the mind

just came out of a chat with a friend in canada and i'm glad to say that she has now found her one true love. amazing, isn't it? she had to go around the world to find that someone. anyways, that got me into thinking -- again!

anyways, ever since i got online today (thank God for this long weekend!), i've been barraged by friends telling me stuff and asking me my opinion. others just wanted to chat and gripe and complain, and others just telling me how happy they are at the moment. at one time before, maybe a couple of months ago, i told a friend that sometimes, it's time-consuming and i wonder why they tell me these things. it felt like i was carrying all their worries on my shoulders and i get stressed by it. but when she answered, i was stumped. maybe i should be grateful that they come to me because they know, i'm their friend and i'll listen. that was what she said, i'm their friend and i listen well... maybe because, they listen to me, too. truly, relationships are a give and take thing. you listen, they listen to you. you love them and they'll love you back...

mercy not sacrifice

i'm glad i attended mass early this morning. not only because i was with my bestfriend but because the homily was good.

the priest talked about an experience in belgium that he will never forget. when he was doing his ph.d., he saw for himself that very few people go to mass unlike here in the philippines. sometimes, there will only be about fifteen old people attending sunday mass. how he boasted about being proud from the philippines, where churches get filled up to the brim, especially on sundays! and how sad it was to see few people being religious in that particular place in the world. his boasting had gone on for quite a while but then, his german friend probably got tired of hearing how we, pinoys, fill the churches on sundays and how religious we are that he answered back:

"people here, when they are hungry, they have something to eat. when they feel cold, they have something to wear. when they are thirsty, they have something to drink...

(sort of the beatitudes, huh?)

in this country, we take care of our own. tell me if that is the case in your country, tell me. tell me, isn't that religion?"

most of us at church woke up at that question, too. just like the priest was and told that. yes, they may not attend mass all the time but they take care of our own. Do We? i guess not. everywhere you look, there's poverty but i guess not all are willing to share nor help. ask me, and i'll tell you that i don't give alms. why? i'll say because there are a lot of bad guys out there. what if who you're giving alms for are part of a syndicate. how come these kids ask for alms? where are their parents? or if they are adults, i'll say: how come they won't work? they just sit there on the steps, waiting for grace to land on their outstretched hands. i worked hard for my money, why can't they? i am selfish, i admit. but isn't it against the law to give alms? i'd say there is a proper way to help the needy. share in the church. i'd rather donate to an organized fund-raising than to those who just help themselves by letting you feel sorry for them. i just hope to God that i won't experience that in my lifetime. am i bad christian for not willing to give to beggars?

i haven't heard it said before until today. the priest shared that mother theresa once said, "you do not give love the poor because you see in them Jesus. you give love to the poor because they are Jesus." may God forgive me for being selfish in that way. but times are not just the same as it was once in His time. today, there are opportunists who will bleed you dry. i feel guilty for feeling this way but i hope, i will be forgiven. am i being righteous?

Jesus also said that "i desire mercy, not sacrifice." He has not come for the righteous, but the sinners for repentance. may what i have written be an acceptable act of repentance for whatever sin i have done. amen.

for more of this passage, please read this.

wake up call

so i've been absent a lot from work today. i think it started when i had to attend all those weddings since april. since then, i'm almost always absent once a week, whether it's an emergency leave or a sick leave. really, it seems like i only go to work four times a week. then you include the holidays! *sigh* at times, especially those like crunch times, i feel lazy going to work even if i know i have a lot of responsibilities to handle, or that a lot of people are counting on me. I JUST NEED A BREAK.

and maybe, i just feel so sad, lonely and distracted. probably distracted most of the time...

and yet today was a wake-up call. i didn't go to work in the morning with the excuse that i wasn't able to wake up on time because my alarm didn't go off. the truth is it did, but i ignored it and fell asleep again. i woke up at 8am and i could've gone to work even when i'm late. the problem was just that i felt so lazy and sleepy i decided not to. after all, by ten a.m. i'll be considered absent.

however, i didn't waste my time lying around. i went in front of my laptop and went to work. luckily, i have all the materials with me. i even made a big leap on my workload! yes, this is soooo good! no distractions at home. and yet, i felt bad about not going to work in the morning.

then, the wake up call. i finally got to chat with drifter and when told about me having, probably a memo for excessive absences, i was told:

"i don't know you to be like that. what's wrong?"

what's wrong is that, I NEED A BREAK! a long refreshing break. and i need sleep. i just need for all my obligations to be finished and i'll be fine again.

there's nothing like a question like that to wake me up and ask myself the same question. *sigh*