ringless

i had two rings since gradeschool. both were given by my mother. one, i stopped wearing years ago because it got broken. the last one, i stopped wearing today. it's funny how things can be sometimes. last year, when i slipped down the steps and was able to grab the railings on the stairs, the ring got deformed. what was once a round ring became oblong. with much effort, i was able to make it back to a semblance of what was it before. yesterday, for no apparent reason, it broke. on the same place where my first ring broke.

today, i stopped wearing the ring, and i feel incomplete. i want them back and for that to happen, i need to have them both repaired. i just wish i can have them back whole again before i leave this weekend.

what i am not prepared for though, is with what this lost made me think. it made me think of things i shouldn't and couldn't have yet, but one i so desire for a long time. it makes me scared and it makes me feel so helpless. it makes my heart break and it makes the longing more unbearable. i just can't help imagine things i shouldn't. life is a bitch in this way.

oh how i wish i could have my rings back now. as in NOW!

*****

speaking of leaving this weekend, our papers aren't ready yet. we only have two days to go to finish the preparations but apparently, we will be rushing things along. oh well, not me but my companion because i was the one who made the ball rolling. i have been waiting for such a thing like this but as of today, i am not really that excited. i am not sure why -- maybe because my companion is a person with whom i don't go along well with. on my other trips, i have planned what to do weeks before the actual trip. i will have made lists of things to see, how much to spend and what rides to take. yet now, i haven't made any concrete plans yet. i am just a little sad that i'm not really that excited. hopefully, everything will change when i get there.