i know i shouldn't have been happy when you told me what your myspace account is. now, i can easily track you down. with just one simple line and a simple click, i know what you've been up to... or not.
today, you say you are confused. but hey, who isn't? i guess i'm even more confused than you are. i don't know what you're thinking, i don't know where we're going or if we're even moving forward at all. i hate the feeling. you say you're confused, i say i hate the feeling of being confused more. a friend told me yesterday, it is hard to play mind games with your own mind. it would have been easy to be clueless of what you're up to but with the access i have to your site, i can't help but peek. and i can't help being more confused, and being more angry at me, at you. i guess it's true what they say: what you don't know won't hurt you. i just wished - and now it's too late - that i have never known where online should i look for you. it's the holiday season but total happiness is way out of my reach without you.
i'm beginning to dislike you, as much as i love you. don't, please don't make me feel this way. the only thing i've done to you is love you the only way i can, the only way i know how.
at mass yesterday, the priest asked, why do we endure pain and suffering? the answer is because we hope that after all that pain and suffering, there is a promise of joy. it galls me to think and hope about it but i hope that with you, there is a promise of joy.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
pang-masa
pang-masa (tagalog): for the masses; relatively cheap
while looking at some wallets at the mall last sunday, i noticed one wallet which relatively looks nice. i might have bought it until i looked at the price - php1900. it was really expensive for that kind of wallet so i told my companion:
"grabe, ang mahal! mas sobra pa sa girbaud! (geez, this is kind of expensive, don't you think? more than what a girbaud wallet costs!!!)"
e kasi naman, ma'am. pang-masa ang girbaud. yan ay imported at galing sa italy!, exclaimed the lady attendant.
i was so shocked by what she said. all i could do was stare at her and looked unbelieving at what she was saying. later, my friend and i decided that we should have told her, "wow, miss! pang-masa talaga. afford mo pala ang girbaud! (wow, miss! really, it's for the masses. i bet you can afford a girbaud.)"
it was really funny. i don't know how pabder does against girbaud but all i know is, girbaud is the most preferred brand. oh well... but yes, i can't believe that lady!
while looking at some wallets at the mall last sunday, i noticed one wallet which relatively looks nice. i might have bought it until i looked at the price - php1900. it was really expensive for that kind of wallet so i told my companion:
"grabe, ang mahal! mas sobra pa sa girbaud! (geez, this is kind of expensive, don't you think? more than what a girbaud wallet costs!!!)"
e kasi naman, ma'am. pang-masa ang girbaud. yan ay imported at galing sa italy!, exclaimed the lady attendant.
i was so shocked by what she said. all i could do was stare at her and looked unbelieving at what she was saying. later, my friend and i decided that we should have told her, "wow, miss! pang-masa talaga. afford mo pala ang girbaud! (wow, miss! really, it's for the masses. i bet you can afford a girbaud.)"
it was really funny. i don't know how pabder does against girbaud but all i know is, girbaud is the most preferred brand. oh well... but yes, i can't believe that lady!
Monday, December 1, 2008
be careful what you wish for
i think i have come to a point where i think i am getting what i wished for and feeling unsure if it's what i really like. it's been a long time since we both had a long talk and this lull in communication, added to our separation, is taking its toll on me. true, i want to be with him but when he's not here, i think twice... and thrice...
i am at a lost. i am not sure how we will be together. i don't know how my family will take him, how my friends will take him. in the beginning, when he's with me, i am sure they'd like him. but lately, when i think of us together, i wonder what they'll say. i was not like this before. i know he is a good person, someone who is easily likeable, someone who can be trusted with one's self. yet i am unsure of us together. is it because i feel that he's shying away from me? is it because for a long time now, i feel he is keeping something from me? i know he is, but i never had felt this strongly before and i fear it might be too important, something that may change how we are. i'm scared but i trust in the Lord to make it right. i am just sad that i can't do anything about it. all i have to do is wait for what's coming, good or bad, hurting or not.
give me strength. why is it they say that in love, the only person who can heal you is the person who has hurt you?
it's crazy, all i can think about today is... will i be the right person for him? or is he the right person for me? crazy, crazy... i just want to stop thinking about it.
i am at a lost. i am not sure how we will be together. i don't know how my family will take him, how my friends will take him. in the beginning, when he's with me, i am sure they'd like him. but lately, when i think of us together, i wonder what they'll say. i was not like this before. i know he is a good person, someone who is easily likeable, someone who can be trusted with one's self. yet i am unsure of us together. is it because i feel that he's shying away from me? is it because for a long time now, i feel he is keeping something from me? i know he is, but i never had felt this strongly before and i fear it might be too important, something that may change how we are. i'm scared but i trust in the Lord to make it right. i am just sad that i can't do anything about it. all i have to do is wait for what's coming, good or bad, hurting or not.
give me strength. why is it they say that in love, the only person who can heal you is the person who has hurt you?
it's crazy, all i can think about today is... will i be the right person for him? or is he the right person for me? crazy, crazy... i just want to stop thinking about it.
sunday reflection
sunday was the first day of advent. advent, a time of waiting for the Lord's coming.
usually, waiting is a time for joy and sometimes, it comes with despair. for example, a couple expecting their baby or a student waiting for the exam's results. yet often in our lives, our waiting is coupled with despair. like the Israelites, their waiting in the desert during their journey to the promise land was in despair.
yet waiting is an important thing in our lives. waiting allows us to "cleanse" ourselves. it allows us to reflect on what we have done and what we ought to do. waiting is also a time to recognize that it is in His hands, whatever we're waiting for. for example, after an example, no matter how much time we reflect on it, the results are up to Him.
yun lang. just want to write it down so i won't forget.
usually, waiting is a time for joy and sometimes, it comes with despair. for example, a couple expecting their baby or a student waiting for the exam's results. yet often in our lives, our waiting is coupled with despair. like the Israelites, their waiting in the desert during their journey to the promise land was in despair.
yet waiting is an important thing in our lives. waiting allows us to "cleanse" ourselves. it allows us to reflect on what we have done and what we ought to do. waiting is also a time to recognize that it is in His hands, whatever we're waiting for. for example, after an example, no matter how much time we reflect on it, the results are up to Him.
yun lang. just want to write it down so i won't forget.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
prayers and kindness
i have been praying for my boss to be kind to me for weeks now. so far, and let this be a testimony to God's goodness, my boss has shown me kindness during those times he seems to acknowledge my presence.
you see, i've always been afraid of him. he is quick to anger and he's got a loud voice. when he is angry, it seems that half the people can hear him. this year alone, i have been shouted at and got a dressing down for things i've done wrong. i have my excuses but i won't justify my weakness in terms of work. it is, and will still be (given the current office situation), as it is without the training, and proper guidance one needs to build his or her competency (now i've said my excuse!). everytime i get a dressing down, i feel i'm not worth anything and all the hard work that i've put on in the project is a waste. it depresses me and i hate the feeling because it makes me want to leave the work i want.
lately though, i've been trying to change my attitude. turn it into positive thoughts. every night and every morning, before i go to work, i pray that my boss will be kind to me. it's even ok to be reprimanded, but please, don't shout at me. that's one thing that doesn't work in a good way for me. once i asked God to have my boss to, well, just have a look at me and my work. He listened but it was in a different way. yes, he minded me, but in a way that i got the worst dressing down for the whole year (i hope it will be the last). today, i ask that he be kind to me and nothing else.
but that's not really the point of this whole thing, although i've written a lot about it. my main point is, God listens! He knows what we need and if He sees that you really need it, without fail, He gives it to you. so do not be afraid to ask. in the Bible, it is told to us in plain words:
Matthew 7:7-8
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives and teh one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 21:22
Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive.
1 John 5:14-15
And we have this confidence in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked Him for is ours.
AMEN. God is good! :D
you see, i've always been afraid of him. he is quick to anger and he's got a loud voice. when he is angry, it seems that half the people can hear him. this year alone, i have been shouted at and got a dressing down for things i've done wrong. i have my excuses but i won't justify my weakness in terms of work. it is, and will still be (given the current office situation), as it is without the training, and proper guidance one needs to build his or her competency (now i've said my excuse!). everytime i get a dressing down, i feel i'm not worth anything and all the hard work that i've put on in the project is a waste. it depresses me and i hate the feeling because it makes me want to leave the work i want.
lately though, i've been trying to change my attitude. turn it into positive thoughts. every night and every morning, before i go to work, i pray that my boss will be kind to me. it's even ok to be reprimanded, but please, don't shout at me. that's one thing that doesn't work in a good way for me. once i asked God to have my boss to, well, just have a look at me and my work. He listened but it was in a different way. yes, he minded me, but in a way that i got the worst dressing down for the whole year (i hope it will be the last). today, i ask that he be kind to me and nothing else.
but that's not really the point of this whole thing, although i've written a lot about it. my main point is, God listens! He knows what we need and if He sees that you really need it, without fail, He gives it to you. so do not be afraid to ask. in the Bible, it is told to us in plain words:
Matthew 7:7-8
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives and teh one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 21:22
Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive.
1 John 5:14-15
And we have this confidence in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked Him for is ours.
AMEN. God is good! :D
Monday, November 24, 2008
quotes of the week
ceebee says: "pangarap ka na lang ba, o magiging katotohanan ka..." (ala i love betty...)
and
btchy says: "sana ang puso ay parang windows xp. pwede i-ctrl+alt+del end task pag naghahang!" (ala pagod na sa pag-ibig)
and
btchy says: "sana ang puso ay parang windows xp. pwede i-ctrl+alt+del end task pag naghahang!" (ala pagod na sa pag-ibig)
timeless comfort
came across this song again while i was browsing online... this is one of my favorite songs. reminds me of the summer during our junior year in college, when we had to stay at the laboratory for weeks finishing our fieldwork analysis and reports. in the mornings and late nights while everybody's awake and busy doing their assigned chores, this song was always played. i remembered hearing this song while asleep and in the early minutes of waking up... those where the days and the song of cynthia alexander now seems so timeless to me...
Comfort in Your Strangeness
by Cynthia Alexander
Woke up this morning
I was staring at the ceiling
Cracks and roadmaps and highways and landscapes
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness
Of moving shadowss
When I call the wind by name
Rushing Firewater in the dark of a cloud
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to findComfort in Your Strangeness
We are slaves to the crimes we commit
In fits of passion we shame
We are nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing but
The dust on Your feet
Dying to be born again
Singing Ether Water Fire singing Earth Singing Air
I have seenI have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness
Comfort in Your Strangeness
by Cynthia Alexander
Woke up this morning
I was staring at the ceiling
Cracks and roadmaps and highways and landscapes
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness
Of moving shadowss
When I call the wind by name
Rushing Firewater in the dark of a cloud
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to findComfort in Your Strangeness
We are slaves to the crimes we commit
In fits of passion we shame
We are nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing but
The dust on Your feet
Dying to be born again
Singing Ether Water Fire singing Earth Singing Air
I have seenI have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness
I have seen
I have been
To places far and deep in my mind
Only to find
Comfort in Your Strangeness
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