as usual, i woke up again the wee hours of the morning from a restless dream. this time, it was another dream unlike any other. i was my sister and mom visiting family in australia. what's weird about it was that we don't have any family there! there was supposed to be a wedding but the details of that are not clear to me right now. what's clear is that we were on a bus going to my brother's place (now that means my brother was in it, too!). then as i recall the dream i remembered being a little bit worried about my money. in the dream, it was clear that i had 200a$ from my last trip, whether from the perth or jakarta trip, i couldn't really recall but i was so sure in that dream that i had 200 that's gonna have to last for that trip. yet i was so worried because i forgot how much the bus ride costs! then i woke up.
i realized when i woke up that the common denominator of my dreams is the different places it's gone to. and the second denominator is money to spend. i just hope it only means that i'm a cheap traveler and nothing more! :)
******
i guess i haven't wrote about that dream where i flew on a zeppelin. it's part of the recurring dream where i was supposed to go back to the uk (i guess uk did a pretty good job of putting herself in my mind the rest of my life that it still occurs in my dream. not bad). however, the plane they made us go into was a big zeppelin one and the setting was more like the forties where the pictures was still in black and white and the tone of the scene was somewhat world war-ish, although it wasn't that scary. just weird because when we had to go change planes, it was on a really big hangar, and when we got off the plane it wasn't a zeppelin at all but a big tora-tora like plane. to vacate the plane, we had to go through the plane's wing - more like the emergency landing advice they tell you when boarding a plane.
aren't my dreams weird? :D
Friday, March 27, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
lessons and old men
there's a saying that goes, when you want to learn more of life, you should talk to the old ones. i never really had the privilege of talking to old people in my life. i grew up away from my extended family. i only got to see my grandparents a couple of times in my whole life. some people may feel close to their grandparents, like my cousins, but not i. and so i guess i missed, and still missing, the lessons that could be learned from their experiences. i know for sure, that they have great stories to tell. in some ways, it is unlucky that i don't know my grandparents that well.
yet, in the quirky way of things, i'm glad that i was given the chance to know an exceptionally old man. i have talked of him before in this blog. in his prime, he was thought to be a terror teacher but now, when he grew older (and when his heart started to fail him), he became quite amiable and less scary to talk to. it is a privilege to get to know this person. in his old age, his mind is sharper than mine.
so what life lessons have i learned from him? i don't know yet but last friday, he talked of the past and it was quite -- striking. he talked of the last world war. aside from my grandparents, i don't know anybody who experienced the war. for me, it was a long, long time ago, way even before my parents were born. it was a great war during the time of his youth, a time when he was still barely an adult. yet, i can't help but think that maybe, people grow up fast during wars.
during the war, he said, when the japanese arrived to take over manila, his parents decided to bring them to the nearby province to avoid the war. yet everywhere, one sees the war. at times, they would see fighter planes fly above their areas in their distinct jet sounds. when these jets fire their artillery guns or dropped bombs, one can hear the sudden whistle sound before the big boom sounds off in the nearby town. at more than one point in those years of war, they had to go down the excavated ditch to avoid being hit at but there were no guarantees because overhead, the planes are still firing. for those civilians who were hit, they were just simply casualties of war.
the americans killed more civilians than the japanese. this was his opinion because for the former, once they see their target, they start shooting until everything near it was destoyed. he once witnessed american soldiers firing at two japanese soldiers stationed at an abandoned building. they fired until nothing of the building was left. they were ruthless. the latter on the other hand, although not blameless, have gathered the males and killed them together. in my way thinking, everybody were the losers in this war.
when the war was over, he went off to college in a school that the americans helped build. staying in one of the dormitories, he wakes up at night all sweaty and still thinking that he was still in the war. when he looks back at it today, he realizes that even civilians experience post-traumatic syndrome, much as the same way the soldiers who fought in the iraq war are experiencing now.
the last world war had a great impact on the world yet to the individual persons who experienced it, it was a life-altering experience. it is something that one can never take away. the only thing that they can do is just bring the best out of humanity and make sure that this will never happen for the next generations.
it was the worst of times, that's for sure, and i hope that with this telling, i have gained a little more insight of what was once, and maybe someday use this knowledge to understand people better.
yet, in the quirky way of things, i'm glad that i was given the chance to know an exceptionally old man. i have talked of him before in this blog. in his prime, he was thought to be a terror teacher but now, when he grew older (and when his heart started to fail him), he became quite amiable and less scary to talk to. it is a privilege to get to know this person. in his old age, his mind is sharper than mine.
so what life lessons have i learned from him? i don't know yet but last friday, he talked of the past and it was quite -- striking. he talked of the last world war. aside from my grandparents, i don't know anybody who experienced the war. for me, it was a long, long time ago, way even before my parents were born. it was a great war during the time of his youth, a time when he was still barely an adult. yet, i can't help but think that maybe, people grow up fast during wars.
during the war, he said, when the japanese arrived to take over manila, his parents decided to bring them to the nearby province to avoid the war. yet everywhere, one sees the war. at times, they would see fighter planes fly above their areas in their distinct jet sounds. when these jets fire their artillery guns or dropped bombs, one can hear the sudden whistle sound before the big boom sounds off in the nearby town. at more than one point in those years of war, they had to go down the excavated ditch to avoid being hit at but there were no guarantees because overhead, the planes are still firing. for those civilians who were hit, they were just simply casualties of war.
the americans killed more civilians than the japanese. this was his opinion because for the former, once they see their target, they start shooting until everything near it was destoyed. he once witnessed american soldiers firing at two japanese soldiers stationed at an abandoned building. they fired until nothing of the building was left. they were ruthless. the latter on the other hand, although not blameless, have gathered the males and killed them together. in my way thinking, everybody were the losers in this war.
when the war was over, he went off to college in a school that the americans helped build. staying in one of the dormitories, he wakes up at night all sweaty and still thinking that he was still in the war. when he looks back at it today, he realizes that even civilians experience post-traumatic syndrome, much as the same way the soldiers who fought in the iraq war are experiencing now.
the last world war had a great impact on the world yet to the individual persons who experienced it, it was a life-altering experience. it is something that one can never take away. the only thing that they can do is just bring the best out of humanity and make sure that this will never happen for the next generations.
it was the worst of times, that's for sure, and i hope that with this telling, i have gained a little more insight of what was once, and maybe someday use this knowledge to understand people better.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
dreams
i haven't been sleeping that well eversince i got back from my two-week trip. well actually, i haven't been sleeping well since the day i left for that trip. there's just something not quite fun about staying in a hotel for two weeks, with only the tv to keep you company and only the hotel staff to greet you when you arrive from a day at work.
anyways, yes, i haven't sleeping well lately. it seems that dreams have been dominating my supposedly quiet time with myself. sleep should be a relaxing time but for me, at the moment, it seems like a tiring time. i can point out three instances that my dreams had made me feel more tired instead of more rested. another irritating thing is they occur at a time when i'm near to waking up to prepare for work.
dream #1. kiwi
i dreamed that i saw kiwi again. it was like we were on the same area where we first (and last) went on a field trip. the only funny thing was that he grew a little bit chubbier and he was singing for me. that was fun because he was so cute but believe me, it brought me unnecessary grief! LOL
dream #2. chasing homie's bag in china
so that morning, i was in china doing -- well, i don't know. all i know is that i was there and i was supposed to meet homie. i went around the town which was so un-china and more southeast asian. anyways, when i got back to the hotel, i saw homie with his family and it was a little bit raining. the roads were wet. i went to meet up with him through the hotel's right entrance. when he saw me, he told me he needs to get on the bus with his family first and would i be kind enough to take his bags first. as a friend, i agreed until i saw that his bags were carried by this chinese rickshaw, and was driven by a chinese who do not speak english! when homie left, i asked the rickshaw driver to bring it to the hotel but hello, he rounded up and made for the front entrance which was so far away. one needs to go to the streets again just to get to the entrance. so what i did was shout at the guy and ran to follow him through the streets.
i don't know if i ever caught up with him but hello, i woke up breathless, like i was running the longest time!
dream #3. going to the uk again in an unseemly way
this is a recurring dream but this was the first time that i was so disorganized in this dream. before, i was just running late for the flight but now, i am soooo disorganized. the only happy thought about it was the idea of being able to eat on that sidestreet bread store at cam that i happen to discover in a previous dream.
so what happened was i was to go to the uk again in a short notice; it was like i was told this morning and will fly out tonight. all i was able to do was what i was best at -- basketball packing. then on my way to the airport, i realized that i don't have money at all and that i couldn't change money in any exchange shops even if i can withdraw money because they were already closed at that time. i remember being so worried about it because i had nowhere to go to. even when my mother arrived and could have helped me with money, still there was no exchange shops!
the next thing that made me more worried was when i realized that i haven't packed any underwears! oh my! what am i to do?!
that was then that i woke up, breathless again!
what dreams are these! i wonder what the next dreams will be!
anyways, yes, i haven't sleeping well lately. it seems that dreams have been dominating my supposedly quiet time with myself. sleep should be a relaxing time but for me, at the moment, it seems like a tiring time. i can point out three instances that my dreams had made me feel more tired instead of more rested. another irritating thing is they occur at a time when i'm near to waking up to prepare for work.
dream #1. kiwi
i dreamed that i saw kiwi again. it was like we were on the same area where we first (and last) went on a field trip. the only funny thing was that he grew a little bit chubbier and he was singing for me. that was fun because he was so cute but believe me, it brought me unnecessary grief! LOL
dream #2. chasing homie's bag in china
so that morning, i was in china doing -- well, i don't know. all i know is that i was there and i was supposed to meet homie. i went around the town which was so un-china and more southeast asian. anyways, when i got back to the hotel, i saw homie with his family and it was a little bit raining. the roads were wet. i went to meet up with him through the hotel's right entrance. when he saw me, he told me he needs to get on the bus with his family first and would i be kind enough to take his bags first. as a friend, i agreed until i saw that his bags were carried by this chinese rickshaw, and was driven by a chinese who do not speak english! when homie left, i asked the rickshaw driver to bring it to the hotel but hello, he rounded up and made for the front entrance which was so far away. one needs to go to the streets again just to get to the entrance. so what i did was shout at the guy and ran to follow him through the streets.
i don't know if i ever caught up with him but hello, i woke up breathless, like i was running the longest time!
dream #3. going to the uk again in an unseemly way
this is a recurring dream but this was the first time that i was so disorganized in this dream. before, i was just running late for the flight but now, i am soooo disorganized. the only happy thought about it was the idea of being able to eat on that sidestreet bread store at cam that i happen to discover in a previous dream.
so what happened was i was to go to the uk again in a short notice; it was like i was told this morning and will fly out tonight. all i was able to do was what i was best at -- basketball packing. then on my way to the airport, i realized that i don't have money at all and that i couldn't change money in any exchange shops even if i can withdraw money because they were already closed at that time. i remember being so worried about it because i had nowhere to go to. even when my mother arrived and could have helped me with money, still there was no exchange shops!
the next thing that made me more worried was when i realized that i haven't packed any underwears! oh my! what am i to do?!
that was then that i woke up, breathless again!
what dreams are these! i wonder what the next dreams will be!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
growing old
it may be that i'm growing old but i notice that i tend to not like going out late at night anymore. when i was still in school, i used to go home after 12 mn. lately, i find 8pm very late. when i find myself outside late, i start to worry how i'm going to get home. will there still be a public transport going to my place, is it still safe to take the ride near this gate, or whatever other concerns there are. it's driving me crazy when i think of it.
bungee jump. when i was in school, i dream of bungee jumping on my own if ever i get the chance to do it. today, i think that if i ever jump, it would be with someone else so we can both share the exhilaration and the fear.
there's so many changes and i feel that i'm not up to it yet. there's so many things to do yet i feel that i'm getting older for some of those things. if only i can fast forward to doing all those things so my age could catch with them, i will. yet that isn't the case. sometimes, i'm at a lost and i ask myself, will i ever get to do those things ever? i hope i will.
bungee jump. when i was in school, i dream of bungee jumping on my own if ever i get the chance to do it. today, i think that if i ever jump, it would be with someone else so we can both share the exhilaration and the fear.
there's so many changes and i feel that i'm not up to it yet. there's so many things to do yet i feel that i'm getting older for some of those things. if only i can fast forward to doing all those things so my age could catch with them, i will. yet that isn't the case. sometimes, i'm at a lost and i ask myself, will i ever get to do those things ever? i hope i will.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
prambanan - a story
a rainy day in prambanan, central java
there was once a beautiful princess who turned down all her suitors. she didn't find any of them to her liking. one day, a prince saw her and immediately fell in love with her but the princess was cold and turned him down, too. she knew the prince was bad and didn't want for her husband. yet the prince was insistent. he asked her again and again and again to marry him until one day, just to stop him from asking her again, and because she was bored, she agreed to marry him in one condition. the condition was that he must build a thousand statues/temples before the sun rises.
with this challenge, the prince agreed and started to meditate. he was a powerful prince and soon after, he conjured the demons and asked them to help him build the thousand temples for his future bride, just until the sun rises. the demons agreed and they started working on it, carrying stones from far across the land, carving it and building it from ground.
the princess saw this and feared that the prince will finish the thousand temples in one night so she too, meditated. when the gods appeared, she asked that the prince be stopped from finishing the job. when asked why she didn't want to marry the prince, she said that he was bad and she didn't like him. the princess was persistent and the gods gave in, in one condition. she must, during the night, take all the hay from her village and before the sunrise, she must burn it all. so then, while the prince was working hard to create the temples, the princess started collecting hay and before the sunrise, set it to flame.
the flame grew big that at once, the demons saw this. they thought it was the sunrise and started going back to where they came from. the prince tried to stop them because he saw that it was only a fire but the demons cannot be stopped. they went and he was left alone. the sun rose and the prince had created nine hundred ninety nine statues.
the prince asked the princess why she did it and she told him because she didn't want to marry him. but the prince was so in love with the princess and didn't care for anyone to claim her. for him, she was his forever and to make that come true, he turned her to stone, his last, his thousandth statue. now then, princess, he said. you are truly mine. no one will own you except for me. and then he thought, but still, she is beautiful. one can come in the night and steal her from me. so the prince decided to cut her nose to make her ugly. that way, no one would want to claim her, either in flesh or in stone.
yet that was not the end of the story....
the prince told his father what he did. the king became angry and turned him into a water buffalo. his son wanted to be with the princess forever so he placed the princess' statue over the prince/animal's back and put them in one room. that way, they were together forever but forever they are alone for they were never married...
the stuppa
buddha once said to his student, when i die, you place me in a stuppa. what's a stuppa, the student replied. buddha then proceeded to explain in a graphical way what a stuppa is. first, you put my body seated on a lotus, you cover me in something like a rice bowl and you pin it to the ground with my cane. this story was told by my guide.
now there is a more spiritual explanation for a stuppa. for buddhists, it represents buddha's body, his speech and his mind but most especially his mind and every part that shows the path to enlightenment.
a photo: the giant
on my tour to central java, this image was a familiar sight. the tour guide then told me a story about him and how he came about to guard the gates of the gods...
this one was once a giant who wanted to become immortal. one day, in a party of gods and goddesses, the giant came dressed as a monk. he wanted to be immortal, you see, and in that gathering, the gods and goddesses would partake from the cup of immortal waters. the giant went and took the cup but someone recognized him for what he really was - a giant. someone recognized him and told a powerful god. as the giant was about to drink from the cup, the god came and cut him from the jaw down. until this day, the giant's head was placed in the gates without his jaws and his tongue going down to the side and steps of the entrance.
ramblings
good things come to those who wait--
i truly hope that this is true. another knock to the head had me writing a sad little note again today. i wonder why waiting has been the story of my life when it comes to love. i don't think i'm not lovable. i even think i can be charming. i am pretty. i am smart. maybe i just really hadn't found the right one. or maybe i found the right one but it was too late. but whatever reason is, there are moments that i feel impatient, that i feel time is passing by so fast that i might not truly have the chance to find that special someone.
today i saw the pictures of a childhood friend who happily got married a few weeks ago. she had put in a lot of hard work in her preparations and the picture has shown it all -- the fun and the love. today, i found out that my former housemate just got married yesterday to a man she met abroad. she looked happy and contented. in a few months, a very close friend - someone i've worked with and traveled with - is tying the knot to her boyfriend of five years.
i am kind of in a panic. everyone's moving on while i am still stuck to where i am since time beginning. the only consolation i get is from the words i once heard, an advice that makes so much sense (although it doesn't truly relieve you of the envy and panic): do not be envious of others because you do not know anything about their own journey. all i can say is, if they got to that point in that journey well ahead of me, i must have taken a wrong turn, or they know a shortcut that i have no idea of. oh well, i am just feeling sorry for myself today.
my sister wrote a blog, a letter from her future self, telling herself what she wants to see at this moment. if i were to tell myself something today that i might say in the future, it might just sound something like this:
go on, feel what you feel today, then let it go. in the future, you will laugh at it and remember the good times.
and this blog will again end with drifter. i've known him almost five years now. we are still where we were a couple of years back. one might say there were major changes in both our lives (well, mostly him, i guess) these last five years but still, i don't know where we're going. all have been wishes and talks and promises which we both don't know if it will come true. not even the adage that says promises are meant to be broken can be applied here because the promises were just words to keep you going. at the back of your head, there's still a question if any of those will be fulfilled. am i making sense? maybe not.
but one day, i would like to start a new blog with him on it, about our lives together. how i hate wishing it sometimes for i don't know if it will ever come true...
faith. am i lacking in faith? maybe i am, or i am just being too practical. i don't know what to think.
we had a misunderstanding the other day. it made me mad and sad. it made him sad that i misunderstood him. and since then, we have not talked. what am i to do?
i guess that at times when you see your friends getting the start of their happily-ever-afters, a person can think of a lot of things, a person can wish for a lot of things, but those things at one point in their lives, will only be just wishful thinkings.
*sigh*
okay.... that's the end of the sad story telling...
i truly hope that this is true. another knock to the head had me writing a sad little note again today. i wonder why waiting has been the story of my life when it comes to love. i don't think i'm not lovable. i even think i can be charming. i am pretty. i am smart. maybe i just really hadn't found the right one. or maybe i found the right one but it was too late. but whatever reason is, there are moments that i feel impatient, that i feel time is passing by so fast that i might not truly have the chance to find that special someone.
today i saw the pictures of a childhood friend who happily got married a few weeks ago. she had put in a lot of hard work in her preparations and the picture has shown it all -- the fun and the love. today, i found out that my former housemate just got married yesterday to a man she met abroad. she looked happy and contented. in a few months, a very close friend - someone i've worked with and traveled with - is tying the knot to her boyfriend of five years.
i am kind of in a panic. everyone's moving on while i am still stuck to where i am since time beginning. the only consolation i get is from the words i once heard, an advice that makes so much sense (although it doesn't truly relieve you of the envy and panic): do not be envious of others because you do not know anything about their own journey. all i can say is, if they got to that point in that journey well ahead of me, i must have taken a wrong turn, or they know a shortcut that i have no idea of. oh well, i am just feeling sorry for myself today.
my sister wrote a blog, a letter from her future self, telling herself what she wants to see at this moment. if i were to tell myself something today that i might say in the future, it might just sound something like this:
go on, feel what you feel today, then let it go. in the future, you will laugh at it and remember the good times.
and this blog will again end with drifter. i've known him almost five years now. we are still where we were a couple of years back. one might say there were major changes in both our lives (well, mostly him, i guess) these last five years but still, i don't know where we're going. all have been wishes and talks and promises which we both don't know if it will come true. not even the adage that says promises are meant to be broken can be applied here because the promises were just words to keep you going. at the back of your head, there's still a question if any of those will be fulfilled. am i making sense? maybe not.
but one day, i would like to start a new blog with him on it, about our lives together. how i hate wishing it sometimes for i don't know if it will ever come true...
faith. am i lacking in faith? maybe i am, or i am just being too practical. i don't know what to think.
we had a misunderstanding the other day. it made me mad and sad. it made him sad that i misunderstood him. and since then, we have not talked. what am i to do?
i guess that at times when you see your friends getting the start of their happily-ever-afters, a person can think of a lot of things, a person can wish for a lot of things, but those things at one point in their lives, will only be just wishful thinkings.
*sigh*
okay.... that's the end of the sad story telling...
Friday, March 6, 2009
from singapore with love
just dropping by to say hi.
i'm at singapore right now, staying at a friend's house. :D
i'm at singapore right now, staying at a friend's house. :D
Monday, March 2, 2009
in jakarta - part 4
bahasa misunderstanding
we sort of got lost on our way to the taman mini indonesia indah. j noticed that the driver was taking us to a mall called taman mini so i had to remind him that we're not going to a mall but to a park. the first part, he understood but not about the park. he doesn't know what a park is so we ended up going around and getting stuck in traffic before coming in the back door gate of the park. he looked at our map and we thought he understood it. he asked a couple of guys but he still got lost. so yes, i was pretty irritated and it showed in my voice when i talked to him. unfortunately, he doesn't also speak good english. bad thing for us.
so, he started talking in bahasa, looking at me...
"lalalalalalalalala.... (all in bahasa).... lalalalaa..... pak u..... lalalalala"
shet, wait a minute... was i just cursed at?!
i don't know and i don't care (okay, i care, but it happened and i don't want a fight) as long as we arrived at the park, that is all that mattered.
we sort of got lost on our way to the taman mini indonesia indah. j noticed that the driver was taking us to a mall called taman mini so i had to remind him that we're not going to a mall but to a park. the first part, he understood but not about the park. he doesn't know what a park is so we ended up going around and getting stuck in traffic before coming in the back door gate of the park. he looked at our map and we thought he understood it. he asked a couple of guys but he still got lost. so yes, i was pretty irritated and it showed in my voice when i talked to him. unfortunately, he doesn't also speak good english. bad thing for us.
so, he started talking in bahasa, looking at me...
"lalalalalalalalala.... (all in bahasa).... lalalalaa..... pak u..... lalalalala"
shet, wait a minute... was i just cursed at?!
i don't know and i don't care (okay, i care, but it happened and i don't want a fight) as long as we arrived at the park, that is all that mattered.
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