ramblings

good things come to those who wait--

i truly hope that this is true. another knock to the head had me writing a sad little note again today. i wonder why waiting has been the story of my life when it comes to love. i don't think i'm not lovable. i even think i can be charming. i am pretty. i am smart. maybe i just really hadn't found the right one. or maybe i found the right one but it was too late. but whatever reason is, there are moments that i feel impatient, that i feel time is passing by so fast that i might not truly have the chance to find that special someone.

today i saw the pictures of a childhood friend who happily got married a few weeks ago. she had put in a lot of hard work in her preparations and the picture has shown it all -- the fun and the love. today, i found out that my former housemate just got married yesterday to a man she met abroad. she looked happy and contented. in a few months, a very close friend - someone i've worked with and traveled with - is tying the knot to her boyfriend of five years.

i am kind of in a panic. everyone's moving on while i am still stuck to where i am since time beginning. the only consolation i get is from the words i once heard, an advice that makes so much sense (although it doesn't truly relieve you of the envy and panic): do not be envious of others because you do not know anything about their own journey. all i can say is, if they got to that point in that journey well ahead of me, i must have taken a wrong turn, or they know a shortcut that i have no idea of. oh well, i am just feeling sorry for myself today.

my sister wrote a blog, a letter from her future self, telling herself what she wants to see at this moment. if i were to tell myself something today that i might say in the future, it might just sound something like this:

go on, feel what you feel today, then let it go. in the future, you will laugh at it and remember the good times.

and this blog will again end with drifter. i've known him almost five years now. we are still where we were a couple of years back. one might say there were major changes in both our lives (well, mostly him, i guess) these last five years but still, i don't know where we're going. all have been wishes and talks and promises which we both don't know if it will come true. not even the adage that says promises are meant to be broken can be applied here because the promises were just words to keep you going. at the back of your head, there's still a question if any of those will be fulfilled. am i making sense? maybe not.

but one day, i would like to start a new blog with him on it, about our lives together. how i hate wishing it sometimes for i don't know if it will ever come true...

faith. am i lacking in faith? maybe i am, or i am just being too practical. i don't know what to think.

we had a misunderstanding the other day. it made me mad and sad. it made him sad that i misunderstood him. and since then, we have not talked. what am i to do?

i guess that at times when you see your friends getting the start of their happily-ever-afters, a person can think of a lot of things, a person can wish for a lot of things, but those things at one point in their lives, will only be just wishful thinkings.

*sigh*

okay.... that's the end of the sad story telling...