this is it - part 2

so no matter how hard work was today, i stop and think of the call yesterday.

finally....!

it's scary really to have a chance like this, to have something you've waited and longed for a long time, to finally have a glimmer of hope for fulfillment. i know there's a chance that we may not end up together but i do want a chance to see how we are together. i want this for the two of us. i'm just hoping that i won't regret any of this, whether we end up together or not.

i read something somewhere before and it made me think about it twice. i guess it is true (to a certain limit). it said: the only person who could heal you is that same person who broke your heart. okay, just thinking. right now, i'm not hurting but at times when i feel lonely, i think about it. it's like the txt messages or phone calls. i get hurt when he doesn't txt or call and yet when he does, every pain goes away.

right now, he is moving a lot. even if he is at one place, he doesn't spend much time in a place where there is a signal or power supply for his phone. his work keeps him busy, especially now that his itinerary is set for the next coming months. i understand this because it happens to me too sometimes, and yet i can't help wanting to hear from him anytime, everytime i want.

i am crazy in love with the guy. i just hope he feels the same. i know he feels the same way.

you know the feeling of knowing how a person feels when they send you a message? when reading it, you hear their voices. with him, i always feel loved. when he's sorry, i feel that he is sorry. and yes, sometimes, i feel that he is not telling the whole truth. when this happens, i let it be because i know, when he's ready, he tells. after all these years, i realize that with the little time we have for chats and calls, he doesn't tell me things he thinks are not important. but as people may know, i get curious and i ask. lucky for me, he answers all my questions. i love this about him. i write about him and i think it's crazy. please let it be. i can't help it.

i am happy. when i was overly crazy with kiwi a couple of years ago, i told everyone i know that he will become my boyfriend before the end of the year. i felt strongly about it. i guess it would have happened if we were not so far away and if he was not a little squeamish about having a long distance relationship. i once read too, an article that states that one reason why online relationship doesn't work is when one or both partners get bored about the set-up. i guess that was what happened with kiwi. i got bored. he probably did, too.

yet drifter was a constant for me. not always there and yet, he's always there. know what i mean? before i met kiwi, he was already a figure in my life. after kiwi, it was still him that is there. maybe the heavens is telling me something i shouldn't ignore. i just wish that if it happens that God will allow us to be together, i will be enough for him. i hope that there will be no regrets on both our parts. i will take him to church for that future blessing.

i miss him every hour of everyday. and i think of that day when i'll be writing on this blog about us - the together us.

i felt strongly about kiwi before and today, i feel strongly about drifter (and more often). if all goes well, i might even be married end of the year next year! what the heck?! where did that come from?! LOL oh well... cannot not think about that really.

on my next blog, i will have to tell what my pretty friend moonbeam had to say about the situation. it's cool because it's a view of a pragmatic, said without the rose-colored glasses. till then!