shuttle service

these are not daily sessions but whenever R and i get to seat next to each other at the office's morning shuttle service, there are moments that all we could talk about is life in general and how God is present in it.

today, we happened to talk (again) about the uncertainty of moving on. amazingly, we share the same sentiments. it's our third year now in the company. is it time to move on, or stay? we've thought before that it will either be go on on the third year, or stay for five years. now, we are at that crossroad. i admit, i am at that crossroad. i ask myself: have i gained more in the past three years (yes, although not as much as i'd like to, based on a couple of friends who works in the same industry as me with the same number of years of experience), will i still gain more if i stay, or would it be better if i move on? if i move on, will everything be alright? will i improve or stay stagnant, just the same?

it is also a question of, am i ready to move on? is this the right time, or am i just running away from what i don't like in my present place? if i move, will i leave the unpleasantness behind altogether or just move on to a greater one? the greatest question is: will i be competent enough to compete with my contemporaries?

and lastly, more importantly, it's a question of, is this the will of the Lord. i've been asking for something better but is this it? i fear moving on, that is true. is this mainly because i am in my comfort zone, that i'm afraid of trying out new things? is this God's way of telling me that this is the moment to move on? or is He telling me, this is your place that is why you are comfortable here? how do one person know what God truly wills?

sister asked me a while ago when told about my dilemma, "are you listening to God?" but how do I listen? who can teach me? how? if it's the appearance of this chance His way of talking, then is this the time to listen? or is this what my sister says, sometimes it's the man who does the thing and since it's already done, He just lets it be....

what am i going to do? how do i listen to His will?

as Samuel said, "Here I am, Lord." but how am i to hear His voice?

Lord, guide me for i am lost... Amen.