Happy Holidays!

the 25th may have passed but the Christmas Season ain't over yet!

Happy Holidays from me to you! :)

look who came to town last night!

taylor hicks was here and i saw him perform live last night! yays! what a performer!

last day at the office for the year

my last day at the office for the year and still, the gifts still keeps on piling up!

latest picture of my desk's christmas stash --

it keeps changing everyday

christmas gift stash on my office desk -- all it needs now is a christmas tree!

christmas shopping

christmas is coming soon!

yipee!

i lift them up to you

i was feeling a bit lonely this afternoon and a little bit stressed because i was thinking too much about the situation here at our house. so i decided to go out for a while and my feet led me to the church. when i realized that i was on my way to church, i felt that and understood that when i'm in trouble, without knowing how, i feel that the Lord is calling me to come to Him so he can hear my troubles and to let me unburden it all to Him. this afternoon, when i was kneeling at church, i realized that i must always truly lean on God in everything because He is always there, ready to hear us and take our troubles away. amazingly, after i said that I need Him to fix this problem and that i lift all my worries to Him, i felt light and a little bit in peace. and there i know, one way or the other, the Lord will give us a solution to this quandary.

I love you, Lord
and i thank you, Lord
all my troubles, i lift to you
knowing you'll be there to
guide us through the right thing.
thank you, Lord.
Amen.

hell

there must be a different interpretation of hell for every person. for a few, hell is what the war has shown them. others say it is love that has gone sour or unrequited. but for me, this day, hell is the presence of my housemates whom we can't talk to and get along well with. hell is having them know that we want the place to ourselves, and as the people who found the place in the first place, we have the right to ask them to move, but are doing nothing. hell is thinking that they have stated that they'll be moving by the end of summer, then end of september, but still, until now, they are still here. hell is feeling that they are just waiting for their big sister to overwhelm us and prolong their stay until we will be the ones who are forced to leave. hell is hearing the matter-of-fact voice of the youngest and hell is the illogical reasoning of the brother. the big sis i have no problems with. actually, she is the best of them all. but altogether, it is still hell for me today...

i once lived here

looking back at my first experience of traveling outside the country, i can't help but think that i've always been lucky and blessed. after graduation, i took a seven-month long vacation to prepare for the board exam. during those times, i was wishing to have a job that would, even just once, let me travel to a new place. right after my board exam, i got a job as a research assistant/student and in six-month's time, i was told to ready my bag and leave for a month to work at UK! wow, my prayers were answered. even being alone on my first trip out and a little scared, it didn't take away the fun and the excitement of being in a new place.

today, i think of it again and smile. it had been years but still, the memories are clear and at times, i want to go back. today, i want to say that i once lived here.

st. chad's.

my teacher was kind enough to lend me his place for a month to save on accommodations.

assissi house. cherry hinton road.

on my second trip here, E and I lived in a student housing. what i love about the place is that each person has a room and bath. the living room has a fireplace and the windows big (but always closed because it was winter and freezing cold).

downing place. earth sciences.

i once did my research here.

i walked the halls and enjoyed a couple of happy hours and stayed late in the library

or computer room.

teacher's advice

kahlan, before i leave for the us, i need to talk to you.

damn! i'm not finished with my thesis yet! how am i gonna tell him that?!

sit down there. ok, let's see. what i'm going to say is really important so listen to me carefully, especially since this is coming from a guy. huh? what is he talking about?! you know, when i guy doesn't like a girl, whatever come-ons the girl has given, he will never, ever reply or take the time to entertain her! but in your case, he took your number, he texts you, he emails you! so i say, Go for it! he likes you!

-this from my teacher a year and a half ago regarding shoeshine

holiday mode

finally! i've finished my year's obligation to my boss -- that is, to present my work's preliminary results to the geological community. after waiting for another day because we ran out of time in my session yesterday, they've given me a few minutes this afternoon to present . i'm glad that my officemates and even friends and classmates from the university stayed to lend me their support. finally, i'm done and i can have a little relaxation time. i'm taking it slowly from now on so that my stress level will lower down *lol*

on a lighter note, readable has finally shown her face after arriving from her us stint two months ago. it was fun to see her again and hear her talk about what she'd done and how they learned to use the dishwasher, bread toaster and basin drain! hahaha she also showed us her new laptop and the pictures she took. they were all amazing and i'm so happy for her because in a way, what she'd shown us, has given us a first-hand look at how to live in america! amazing! :)

guess what i saw

guess what i saw early this morning on my way to work?

a full arc of rainbow! with its second layer! wow! how i wish i could just go to the ends of it and find the pot of gold buried underneath it.

yeah, i still believe in magic.

what will you be?

if the world comes to war again, what will you do or be when that time comes?

i have been asking myself that ever since i was a kid and finished reading Sweet Valley's The Wakefield Legacy. there, one of jessica and elizabeth's ancestor was a brave nurse imprisoned in a pow camp during the world war II. she became a secret correspondent to the navy outside, hiding her stolen radio, reporting significant changes in the camp while doing their laundry.

anyway, that was a good story and made me think, "what would i be if i were caught in a war?" will i be an informer, a nurse (will i stand the blood that will come my way?), or a soldier? will i carry a bayonet or arms just like my forefathers did when faced with enemies? or will i be a coward, just standing by waiting for the war to finish, cowering in the dark -- hiding?

i won't know until that happens but it's an event i wouldn't wish in my lifetime or anybody else's. there are a lot of wars going on around. as everyone would agree, nobody's a winner and everybody's a loser. too much damage done, too much lives lost for nothing. i believe that peace must come from each of us, within ourselves first and then let us share that peace and give it a chance to take effect. too much has been given, it is time to take stock and start all over.

but as if, it is an easy task to do. all i can do now is pray for peace and reconciliation, and the safety of those involved, one way or the other, in wars or conflicts.

lucky day

thank God! it's been a happy, lucky day for me :)

i WON the grand price at the alumni association's annual bingo event last night! wahoo!

(now i can pay my credit card! yipee!)

another rally, another coup d'etat?

almost four years ago, a military officer staged a failed coup d'etat in one of the posh hotels in the business center of the country. today, returning as a senator, this same officer is again starting a rally (that might be a coup d'etat) in another posh hotel in the same district as the last one and calling everybody to join him. luckily, it's raining and i guess that nobody would want to go out in this weather. all gates/roads to the place are closed as i write this.

now, we ask ourselves. for an officer and senator to declare that he is for the poor, he seem to be enjoying staging his 'destabilization' efforts in posh hotels in one of the richest districts in the country. and we ask ourselves (again) how one person who's been in jail can go run for the senate and still win?!

questions that one day i want answered. and yes, dangerous times are ahead.

wishabi wish

From Facebook, my Wishabi Wish Assessment!

i won the bet

after lunch today: Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology (Phivolcs) said the earthquake felt around noon today had a 4.2 magnitude and was located slightly offshore, 77 kilometers northwest of Lingayen town, Pangasinan province.

my guess: magnitude 4.3

the money was used to buy Krispy Kreme!

*****

unfortunately, A was right in saying that i might not be the real winner if we base our results from phivolcs and that he would bet that before the end of the day, the agency will change it. true to his word, they changed the magnitude to 5.4 just in time for the prime time news.

how sad it was because this is the second time this week that an agency of the government has "incorrectly predicted" a natural event's effect to the country. early this week, the pagasa has mentioned that the typhoon mina will move in a westernly path when cnn has already predicted a northwest movement. at the end, the path predicted by cnn was correct. it was sad that the agency stuck to their first prediction and said something about different scenarios (and that they are still in top form for weather forecasts, or so). the question is, when have they been right lately?

and now, phivolcs. granted that the magnitude can have different values depending on the 'data gathering system' one's agency has, it was a "revelation" to see the usgs have a report way before phivolcs gave their statement. and tonight, the magnitude they have given is way near the one the usgs has given earlier, a 6.0 magnitude.

what has happened?!

temperament, interests, amusement and passion

According to Facebook's Picture Personality Test, I am:

Temperament: Idealist
You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.

Interests: Thrill Seeker
You are interested in anything that is exciting and pleasurable. You're not afraid to indulge yourself - you live by your own set of rules and don't allow yourself to get hung on what others think. For the most part, you are independent and do whatever you please to do. Trying to stop you from doing something only makes you want it even more. At the end of the day - you live for life's most thrilling moments.

Amusement: Thoughtful
You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.

Passion: Physical
You are a cuddle bug - from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You're a people person and a lover of all things human.

what's happening, pinas?

truly, i love my country and have no wish of leaving it like what others have done. i'm grateful i have a job that pays well (although new graduates from my old school earn better than me and i have no way of knowing if i'll get my promised annual salary increase this year), friends and families who i can count on and run to in times of happiness and troubles, and a happy life.

however, i get real pissed off when i watch the news and see what's happening in the country. it gets so depressing. you want to help and the only way i can think of doing it is do my job well, pay my taxes (which is very high, if i might say so!) and obey the law. anyways, i just really want to ask -- what's happening, pinas?! -- after reading this article on the newspaper:

http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view_article.php?article_id=101912

ikaw, anong masasabi mo? nakakalungkot, ano? i know we can do something! but what? maybe i'll write more on this. for now, i'm going back to work. sinulat ko lang ito bago ko makalimutan na gusto ko nga pala siyang isulat. i'm forgetful sometimes...

*****

on another note, where is chief?! i'm worried about him. i'm not sure if he finally had a ticket to home yesterday or today. well, i wanna see him before he leaves because i might not see him again!

rain and uniform

it was not raining that hard when i left the house earlier this morning to go to work; but once i left the tricycle that took me outside the subdivision, my pants were already wet to the knee! when i reached the office, i was soaking wet all the way through. even my umbrella was already giving up and dripping in the middle. the rain just never stopped, it only increased in force!

luckily, i brought extra clothes with me today because it's a tournament date. the only hassle was lugging all your stuff and racket with you when you're commuting and it's raining. but nothing to it. at least i arrived at the office safe and well.

and guess what? i'm doning the newest uniform design at the office. the blouse with my cut-offs and slippers! who says you can't wear what you want on uniform day at the office? *lol* i'm glad i have an excuse to wear this!

*****

weather update: still dark and raining outside.

tournament update: still going to push through. partner g visited me a while ago to say that he's sick but is going to play. we just have to Not play to win! *lol* but i'm thinking positive and hoping to win at least a game tonight.

drifter update: nada.

k9s

holy cow! exciting times are ahead! (or is it, dangerous times?)

an hour ago, i turned my head from the monitor and faced head-on a humongous dog sniffing the stack of paper beside me. when i followed the leash, i found myself looking at a guy in military uniform. what?! did we just have a bomb threat?! are we under attack?!

such is what the energy compound's security is doing today after what happened two nights ago at the batasan complex. with what happened there, you'd feel that there's no place safe anymore. they might as well do everything in their power to prevent another attack from happening here because i think every government office is susceptible to this kind of danger. add up the fact that our energy secretary is formerly a defense secretary! in my opinion, sinong lapitin kay gloria ay lapitin din sa disgrasya! :)

oh well... and yeah! oh wow! k9 units in the office!

Christmas 2007 Wish List

1. high end pillows

2. stuffed toy

3. supply of m&s' choco-coated brazilian nuts or m&ms mint chocolates!

4. whole wardrobe from head to foot, formal and non-formal, including bags!

5. Wicked by Gregory Maguire

6. bouquet

7. car (astig!)

cheap ba? hahaha

disclaimer: all images (except m&m's mint) were grabbed from the internet.

small-mindedness

maybe it's because we live in separate islands that we have become small minded. we may be one nation but still, we are separated in many things (but such is an individual, right?). anyway, i was just thinking that when i was in the PS, i met some people there who are very tolerant of different people of different nationalities. maybe it was just me or maybe it was just that we have never been really exposed to that kind of 'people movement.' for example, in mainland asia, people from malaysia can cross the border everyday for work. they only need a card to prove that they work in their neighboring country and they have privileges almost the same as the citizens of that country. here, we don't have the concept of a working card, or daily crossings of country borders. we may have communities of different races/nationalities here, too, but maybe it is just me but it seems that we stick to our own.

the other day, when i was in line at the grocery counter, i noticed that the girl in front of me was caucasian. and here i was, being a racist (forgive me), thinking that these people earn more than the average pinoy (hmmm again, it all boils down to finances?! sad!) and here they are, getting special treatments. shouldn't we be the first class citizens in our own country? wala lang. that has been my sentiment all along. but i was put in my place a while later when i heard the girl speak in tagalog. truly, she is pinay as i am. she just have a different color from me and i was reminded of what my teacher once said: we are just the same. we may be of different color but we feel the same things, we do the same things, we love, we hate. we are just the same. yes, at that instant, i was small-minded and it hurts to realize it.

funny, just thinking about it made me realize that even to our own countrymen, we are small-minded people. some may make fun or get irritated of the visayan accent, the hard way an ilocano says a word or their miserliness, or a kapampangan's arrogance!

it must be nice to live in a place where countries adjoin each other and it's only a car or train ride away. here, the only thing i can see that i could even say was an effort to connect the country was the leyte bridge. i guess we should just overcome this little problem in our country. at least, we have the roro and cebu pacific (it's time every juan flies!) to help us experience our beloved pinas! we may not have straight roads to lead us somewhere else nor trains, but there are other ways. now... if only we have enough money! (who said the filipinos are poor? just go to the malls everyday and you'll really wonder if it's true. maybe the problem lies not really on the lack of money but in the lack of contentment in one's life!).

i hope in the end, we will overcome our small-mindedness and think big! the world is getting smaller and smaller everyday. everyday, barriers in the world are broken and we should be prepared by it.

one of the guys

as i was browsing through my pictures, i realized that this year, i've been to several places with guys mostly for company - field work (the wife of my colleague who accompanied us, i will not count), carpool, classmate get-together, seminar, meeting in another country, boat stint.

for others, this might not be unusual, but for me, who is supposedly used to guys because of my profession, it seems a little bit overwhelming. i mean, i'm a straight girl, but in the company of men, i learned to look at girls, too! and at times, learned how to ignore male chauvinistic comments or even agree with them! *sigh* in fact, it seems that i've been dubbed as one of the guys. it's ok. i don't mind really, but sometimes, i just want to scream!

at times like that, i miss the company of girls (do you know that men gossip more than girls? truly, it transcends nationalities!) - the talks, the window-shoppings, the forever despair of finding a good guy talk, etc... lol at times like that, i long for... oh well, friends...

*****

but the time i spent with these guys haven't taught me anything about how to get a guy. as a friend once said: "you've known us for years, been in our company for long, but you haven't learned how to catch a guy! what's wrong with you! i thought i taught you some tricks already?!" oh well, i guess i'm just not interested about the guys i've met. there are some that i'm willing to get to know more but are married (and that's a big no for me), or some that i met are ok but lives on the other side of the world (in particular, on the other hemisphere!)... oh well, life can be complicated (or is it that i just complicate it?).

another friend also said: you don't have a guy of your own yet because you don't actively look. i guess she's right but i don't care to be actively seeking. i'm lazy that way (or scared?). anyway, i agree with what she said but i like my life the way it is now. it can be damn pretty lonely sometimes (ok, it feels like most of the time lately) but i get by. i enjoy it - spend for myself, go wherever i want to go, travel with friends, stay in or out of the house whenever i want to, i have time for my friends and the occassional spur of the moment things. but yes, it can really be lonely at times... or maybe i just haven't found a guy because i'm still crazy over someone, someone i can't have and yet wish otherwise. i'm crazy. *sigh*

in excess

Euripedes said:

When love is in excess it brings a man no honor nor worthiness.

Medea
431 BC

forever grateful

i'll always be grateful to the thirty-six guys who were with me on the vessel for taking care, in their little, simple ways, of their lone female passenger... i can't say thank you enough and i pray that God would bless them and their family with good health and happiness... i pray that God will keep them safe and strong whenever they are at sea... and the love of their family whom they miss everyday whenever they're away, may they be from the marine or seismic crew.

i've never seen anything from them except care, kindness, understanding and laughter. for that, i'll forever be grateful.

cheers to you, my friends!

how not to get seasick

since my first day here on the boat, i've heard of plenty of ways to overcome seasickness. but until the end, only a very few worked for me. these are what they said:


1. eat plenty so you have something to throw up.

2. drink plenty of water.

3. don't eat fruits, especially orange.

4. breathe some fresh air at either port or starboard side, wherever the wind is.

5. go to the bridge and just look at the horizon.

6. don't look at the waves. look at the horizon.

7. don't drink pills so your body will adjust.

8. go to the back deck and breathe fresh air.

9. do not face that way so you won't rock in a forward-backward motion. left-right motion is better.

10. let the fizz out of the soda and drink it.

11.drink pills after breakfast.

12. don't think about getting seasick.

13. don't think of your boyfriend.

14. go to the medic's room. there's less swaying there.

15. don't think about your fight with your boyfriend.

16. take a shower all the time to keep fresh (no wonder the water pump broke down!).

17. run around the boat to keep your blood pumping.

and plenty more but with the same point.

ten days of misery

ten days of misery is almost over.


"one day more, another day - another destiny"

when it's time for me to come home, i'm not that sick anymore. but i've become dependent on the seasickness pill to keep me going. but i've learned. and that's important. i've made friends (though some of them, i don't want to meet again just to keep my peace).

i know i'll be laughed at at the office for being seasick but hell! it's time to accept that this work is not for me. i've had my experience, and that's enough. sometimes, it's been such a struggle, thinking that i shouldn't have asked for this. before, i was raring to go but now... i just want to go home. but i'll miss ravi, peter, nahud, and even rosman! hahaha

i guess this is one of those times where a saying applies to me: "be careful what you wish for." ;)

but then again, i'm not sure i can even call it misery at all. it is a mind-opening experience despite my seasickness. i've learned how to cope up in a vessel with me as the only female passenger; i've learned that people - whatever their color is - are generally good and willing to teach and extend a hand (you just have start talking to them - in english! ;)); i've learned things for my job and i've seen things i never would have seen if i haven't gone and done this job. i've gained friends that i hope i will see in the future and i'm such grateful for this experience! but i won't miss being sick and throwing up almost everywhere at the boat! :)

first day on the job at sea and ....

i've thrown up in front of people...

my only excuse is that i have not prepared myself for that because i did not expect to feel that way at sea. i've been on little boats but never on anything used by the industry i'm at. in one day, i've been on a pump boat, chase boat, work/rubber boat and finally, the seismic vessel. no wonder it made me dizzy and sick.

An Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

My Bible - Part of a Series

Part of a Series (of how many, I don't know -- I guess it's up to God).

when i was in my sophomore year in the university, i had several subjects in one semester. they carry the bulk of my units, amounting to 5 units per subject -- including the lab and lecture: physics, biology and chemistry; include the math and engineering subject. that was the worst semester i had because during the mid-term, the typhoon came and went, leaving us with exam schedules that will not make you sleep until everything's finished.

to top it all, a certain popular girl in the dormitory approached me to attend prayer meetings. at first, i was really hesitant to join because i was thinking that i do not have the time for it. but because i did not want to offend my friend who "recommended" me and the girl, i said i would attend but cannot promise as much participation as i can. she said that it was alright. i can just be there to pray and if i don't particularly feel like sharing, i won't be forced to. they will pray for me. she just asked that i attend and listen to the word of God and be there for the others who needs to share and people to listen to. and so, i attended. i even gave her leave to wake me up during the day if i don't arrive on time.

anyway, for almost a year, i attended the prayers from time to time. i was even prayed over... until it came to a point that i had to leave because i was not comfortable anymore due to a fellow groupmate that i was not particularly fond of. i explained to my group leader that i like the prayers but i do not feel comfortable anymore - how can i pray when the words that come out of my mind/mouth does not say what's really in my heart? and so i left.

it was only a few months after that i realized that that time with the group, was the closest i had with the Lord. i didn't realize it until a few months later that He was with me: in every exam, in every sleepless nights, in every run through the college halls, in every waking moments. in everything, He was with me. He did not ask for anything, only that I be with Him, too.

but, He had done a lot for me. that time with Him will be the most memorable and i'm not sure if there will ever be anything to compare to it. writing it will not be enough but let this be a testimony to God's greatness!

God be with you, too, in every moment you have with your life.

MY Bible

i've been meaning to write this for a long time now. at one time, i've put this on paper but lost it. now that there is time, i might as well write it. it's now or never!

===========================================

in religion class in high school, our jesuit teacher asked us to write our own bible during the christmas break. being very academic at that point in my life, i took my children's bible, re-read, and summarized it. that was what i submitted. i was hoping that what i did was sufficiently accurate because, as i thought, it was My Bible.

after a few weeks, the teacher talked to us about our assignments but held only one paper. that paper, he said, was the only significant assignment he saw. That was the Real bible he was asking from us. Our own Bible. and he asked that particular classmate to read his own bible in class.

he read it in front of the class but the only thing i remembered was that it was his own experience with God. he told of how he was walking on the road at night and was so scared but with God on his side, walking with him, he was safe. now! that is the real Bible, my teacher said.

for a long time, i have been thinking what my real bible was. my "academic" mind was having a hard time putting words about my own experiences. it made me wonder if i truly have one true experience with God that made me really feel that He was there with me or what. through college, i was wondering about that. but then, at one point in my life, more or less after college, i realized that i had something to write about! it took years but i finally realized what my bible is! for a long time now, God had been with me everywhere, but i didn't truly understand. now, i am ready to write my own bible.

thank you, God, for making me understand. it took years to write it but it was worth the wait.

it's now or never

kung di ako, sino? kung di ngayon, kailan? (if not me, then who? if not now, then when?)

--activists' cry

slave to the internet

friendster, multiply, blogger, and now... facebook! i think i'm overexposing myself! :)

anyhow, i was laughing so hard when i found Shoeshine on Facebook! and he even got more friends than me... hmmm let him be. i won't poke him or give him any ideas that i'm also there. let him find me for once! :p

papers

today, i was given my certificate of completion for a training i had attended last week. the paper it was written on was top grade and it brought back an event that i have not completely forgotten. the memory had shown me a simple, but very telling tale, of unfairness in the world...

when E and i were on our way to london on the train, i noticed a family with two kids. to keep the kids busy, the parents gave them papers and crayons they can play on for that hour trip from cam. the kids were about four-five years old and their works were not masterpieces, i can tell you that!

anyway, what i want to say is that i noticed that they were using top grade paper and that they were just throwing it around. i was hoping that the parents would teach their kids to use the papers wisely. i was remembering the kids back home then, their papers almost as thin as onion skin. when i thought catechism in high school, i remember them writing in as much space as they can on their papers because at that time, that low quality paper costs 3 pcs/PhP1. it frustrated me (even now, it does) that in the real world, equality truly does not exist. how i wished (and wish) that the children of this country will enjoy the same opportunities those children in the west have right now. i wish that they can see that that paper they were using is of lower quality, that there is more than that, and that they could have it as long as they are industrious and there are people to support them....

i hope... and i hope...

cheeky grin

just to show my kababawan when it comes to happiness and what makes my day:

======================================================
in an email kasi nagpaparamdam:

kahlan: smile! have a great week ahead...
shoe shine: or a cheeky grin! you, too!
======================================================

yeah, he knows me better than i expected... hahaha

a true soulmate

got this from my friendster bulletin and thught that this deserves a place n my blog. haven't finished reading this but the first few lines caught me.... and maybe, just maybe, i'm posting because i do believe in soulmates...

============

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown atyou.

When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it ,knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you upand show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around.

You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant.

Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get youthrough a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

psalm 140*

when i opened my Bible today, my eyes fell on this passage:

Deliver me, Lord, from the wicked;
preserve me from the violent,
From those who plan evil in their hearts,
who stir up conflicts every day,
who sharpen their tongues like serpents,
venom of asps upon their lips.

Keep me, Lord, from the clutches of the wicked;
preserve me from the violent,
who plot to trip me up.
The arrogant have set a trap for me;
villains have spread a net,
laid snares for me by the wayside.

I say to the Lord: You are my God;
listen, Lord, to the words of my prayer.
My revered Lord, my strong helper,
my helmet on the day of battle,
Lord, do not grant the desires of the wicked;
do not let their plots succeed.
Around me they raise their proud heads;
may the mischief they threaten overwhelm them.
May God rain burning coals upon them,
cast them into the grave never more to rise.

Slanderers will not survive on earth;
evil will quickly entrap the violent.
For I know the Lord will secure
justice for the needy, their rights for the poor.
Then the just will give thanks to your name;
the upright will dwell in your presence.

defying gravity

this is what i feel today. if only i have the courage to do this, I WILL!

(From Wicked)

You can still be with the Wizard

What you've worked and waited for

You can have all you ever wanted

But I don't want it - No - I can't want it
Anymore

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

Can't I make you understand?

You're having delusions of grandeur

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's loveIt comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

I really hope you get it

And you don't live to regret it

I hope you're happy in the end

I hope you're happy, my friend

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:

"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!


*i wanna cry,
i wanna scream,
i wanna punch someone,
i wanna bang the wall.

i just wanna forget
and be in bliss

like when you make love
hard and pass out
and you don't remember
anything else...

and if it's gonna be forever
(like amnesia)
maybe better so*

sh*t!

a fallen star said

stardust's definition of love

yvaine, a fallen star, said:

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

bloopers

last night...

to waiter: "boss, meron ba kayo nung Ysabella chicken? (referring to the chicken special of Judy Ann)"

waiter: "aaah! sorry mam... wala po kami nun dito... chicken bacolod po ito... sa chicken inasal po yung Ysabella chicken."

oops! wow, mali!

answer to gma's comment

on one of gma's travel in sydney during the apec meet, she commented on the fences along the road and where it was probably bought. my answer to her question is probably similar to this:

friends, weddings and babies

friends, weddings and babies!

i can't help but notice that everybody's either getting married, expecting a baby, or had a baby! i guess we're at that age where people is moving on to the next stage of their lives (while i'm still stuck here, boyfriendless forever hehehe).

my college friend, who's a guy, told me a couple of days back that he already asked his girlfriend (also a very good of mine) to marry him. and yesterday, i talked to the girl and allowed her to tell me in her own style that they're already engaged with a "matching diamond ring!" i'm so happy for them since they've been together for a long time and i think that it's already time that they tie the knot. i'm so happy because i've seen them "fall in love" on their "first dance" and it was so sweet (as i remember it). and now, they're actually getting hitched! i'm so excited on the wedding because i'd get to wear a dress as i promised both of them that i'd wear a dress. i'd better go shopping for a dress soon! yipee!

and as i was chatting with this friend of mine, i got an sms from an officemate whose wife i also know (because as you can see, our profession is a small community and the wife was my orgmate in college). she had given birth to a baby girl! *congratulations! wishing your baby good health*

at that same time, as i was browsing through some of my friends' blogs, i found out that my friend who got married last year is expecting their first child by the end of this year! i hope the baby's the first one to be born next year in aberdeen so they'll get the one year supply of nappies! *lol*

another college friend also just had her second baby, a girl. she was a tiny little thing and very quiet and doesn't care about the noise around her. so when we visited her, everyone was in an uproar but she was sleeping like an angel. the dad said we might be called upon to be the child's godparents. hmmm i wonder if that's true! hehehe

and! a couple of months back, my brother and his wife had their first kid (my first niece!!!). the baby's so cute and growing very fast. my parents couldn't even stop talking about him. i'm excited to see him come december when i go home for the holidays. i'm going to give him his first mojos! and probably a lot of other baby things, too!

anyway, it seems like we're really approaching this stage in our lives. now, i wonder if i'll be able to catch up with them soon! *laugh out loud*

excess baggage

when it was time for me to come home after a brief stint in cam, i realized that i had plenty of bags to take home. i had two travel bags containing my clothes, books and readings; one backpack and one laptop bag for hand-carries. upon arrival at the airport, i went straight to a kilohan to check how much my excess baggage was and alas! it was 30kg! what the heck! do i still have enough money to pay for that excess?!

......check, check my wallet! (ok, i have enough, thank God...) *laugh out loud*

then, i went straight to the airlines' customer service and asked how much the excess baggage costs (if i can't afford it, then some of my stuff will have to go!). the funny thing was that after i asked my question, she said:

"going where? to the philippines? it's 30pounds per kilo."

wow, she didn't mince words, did she. just by looking at me and my excess baggage, she knows i'm from the philippines. well, pinoys are known for their excess baggages anyway, right? at least i didn't carry any balikbayan boxes! *laugh out loud again*

but in the end, after seeing that i was a student, they let me off the hook and i paid nothing as long as i don't buy anything from the duty free shops to add to my luggage. lucky me!!! *grin*

m&m crispy mints

craving these tiny green and white m&m chocolates

where can i buy you?

if not here, then where?

best things in life

phone calls. flowers. chocolates.
sunshine. rain. rainbows.
green grass. parks. hugs.
kisses. smiles. laughter.
blue skies. Christmas. Christmas trees.
presents. beach. cool water.
hot shower. quiet. hammocks.
colors. friends. dresses.

songs that i love

Just a gentle whisper, told me that you'd gone
Leaving only memories, where did we go wrong?
I couldn't find the words then, so let me say them now
I'm still in love with you

Tell me that you love me, tell me that you care
Tell me that you need me, and I'll be there
I'll be there waiting

I will always love you, I will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do
Come to me now
I will never leave you, I will stay here with you
Through the good and bad I will stand true
I'm in love with you

Now we're here together, yesterday has past
Life is just beginning, close to you at last
And I promise to you, I will always be there
I give my all to you

Living life without you is more than I can bear
Hold me close forever
I'll be there.... I'll be there for you

I will always love you, I will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do
This I promise...
I will never leave you, I will stay here with you
Through the good and bad I will stand true
Hold me closer...

Our love is forever, holding us together
Nothing in this world can stop us now
Love has found, love has found a way
I'm in love, I'm in love
Yes, I'm in love, with you

My morning starts to shine

With teardrops in my eyes

And here I am alone starting to realize

That my days would be brighter

If I could learn to hide

The feeling that I have for you

Keeps haunting me inside

Then my days begin

With simple thoughts of you

Hoping that tomorrow will be me and you

Sharing dreams with each other

And making them come true

Holding one another, saying all I need is you

But will you say that you love me

And show me that you care

Say when I need you

You will always be there

But if you go and leave me

(Ooh) This I swear is true

My love will always be with you

Now my nights would end

With just one wish, that's you

To hold me in the dark

And help me make it through

'Cause the pain that's inside me

Would simply melt away

If I had you here with me

And promise me you'd stay

songs i want played on my...

at kailan naman kaya yun, ano?!

Baby, Now That I Found You

Baby, now that I've found you
I can't let you go
I'll build my world around you
I need you so
Baby, even though you don't need me
You don't need me

Baby, baby, since first we met
I knew in this heart of mine (I wanna tell you)
The love we had could not be bad
Play it right and bide my time

Spent a lifetime looking for somebody
To give me love like you (To let me feel like this)
Now you've told me that you wanna leave me
Darling, I just can't let you..... go..

I Will
Beatles

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to I will
And if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same

Love you forever, and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know I will
I will


Ikaw Lamang
Jaya and Janno Gibbs

Ikaw ang pangakong taglay ng isang bituin
Tanging pangarap, sa Diyos ay hiling
Makapiling sa bawat sandali
Ikaw ang pag-ibig sa araw at gabi
Ikaw ang pag-asang tanglaw sa dilim
Napapawing hirap at pighati

Langit ang buhay sa t’wing ika’y hahagkan
Anong ligaya sa t’wing ika’y mamasdan
Sa piling mo, ang gabi’y tila araw
Ikaw ang pangarap (ikaw), ikaw lamang

Ikaw ang pag-ibig sa araw at gabi
Ikaw ang pag-asang tanglaw sa dilim
Napapawing hirap at pighati

mama's plates

remember what i told you about mama's shopping for the ultimate plates? see what she bought...


nice, aren't they?

tigre

life, oh life nga naman ano?!

noong isang araw, nakatanggap ako ng text sa crush kong si ShoeShine kaso lang nabwisit nga ako sa kanya, di ba? Magte-text, tapos kung sasagutin mo, di ka na niya sasagutin! so anyway, pinilit ko na lang siyang kalimutan. hanggang sa... nagtext siya noong sabado. at heto naman akong si loka, natuwa! hanggang sa nabasa ko ang text niya:

"o, ano, kumusta? nabasa ko sa isang magazine kanina lang na ang mga pinay raw ay tigre sa kama haha totoo ba yun?"

haaay, naku! di ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o mabubwisit muli. kaya dinaan ko na lang sa biro ang sagot ko sa kanya (bakit pa nga bang kailangan sagutin ang tanong na iyon?!):

a malay ko! di pa naman ako nakakasama sa babae ng ganyan e. at anong magazine ba yan? lumang balita na yata yan!

eto na ba ang lot in life ng general na ka-pinay-an?! nakakainis ha!

at dagdag ko pa: pero alam mo anong mas okay sa mga pinay kaysa sa pagiging "tigre sa kama?" sila ay mababait, mapagmahal at maaruga.

bakit hindi na lang ilagay sa mga magazine na iyan na ang mga pinay ay iyong mga nasabi ko na at! mababait, mapagmahal, maaruga, maaalahanin, matatalino at iba pa! sa tingin ko, meron pang mas kanais-nais na katangian ang isang babae kaysa sa pagiging tigre sa kama.

pero maganda rin sigurong "skill" yun, ano? hehehe ibig kong sabihin, wala naman sigurong masama dun, ano? dapat lang talaga ay mas pahalagahan ang mga mas importanteng katangian ng isang tao, di ba?

o siya, nasabi ko na ang gusto kong sabihin kaya tatahimik muna ulit ako...

MY mom

she didn't recognize me.

i stood just outside the door with my back to them and she said to my sister that it was not me. when i turned around after putting my umbrella down, she was astonished. she didn't expect me to be that "chubby" and she has not seen me with my curly hair yet.

but still, i love my mama.

she ran me ragged after two days of shopping from afternoon till evening looking for her always elusive blouse (which we didn't find) and ended up buying lots and lots of plates for her to use in the coming fiesta. i know, she would again be envied by her friends who always come to the house to help out and have fun whenever there is a big celebration. i can just here them asking my mama: "na, flor! donde tu ya compra este? bale man!" or "kay guapo jud! asa man ni sya napalit?" and my would just say, "na! gipalit na sa sm sa akuang mga anak!" *laugh out loud*

last night, we took her to the bus station so she could go home and visit her parents, brothers and sisters and my father's family. i was a little bit worried about her traveling alone even if i know there's nothing to worry about since she's used to it. i was like a mother, texting her and calling her just to make sure that all her stuff was with her, if she left anything behind, asking her to text me when the bus is on its way already.

anyway, the house is now pretty quiet again for the next couple of days. early in the morning, while i was still in bed, she texted me that she's on her way to her home now. but i had to text her later in the morning to know if she arrived well at home and she told me that one of my uncles met her and brought her home and she's enjoying some time with inang, our grandmother. later, i know that my uncles, aunts and cousins will drop by the family house to visit with her. for sure, everybody is excited because they don't always get to see mama. some of my younger cousins might not even know her as they were still babies when she last visited. i hope my cousins will like the clothes we sent them.

i miss her already. how much more when she goes home on saturday? oh well... i still have friday to be with her because i will the one to pick her up at the bus station. later in the day, i know we would do some last minute shopping.

*laugh out loud* i used up all my current salary in this visit but i won't have it any other way. i'm glad i can buy stuff for my mom. money is nothing compared to her smile, her delight at seeing her new plates with the pretty designs...

i miss her already.

tribute to our soldiers

you have our prayers
you have our respect
you have our support

we believe in you
and the good in you

i feel humbled by your passion
to serve our country,
our fellowmen

i know that there's nobody
more courageous than you

my gratitude goes out to you